Irregular commentary on whatever's on my mind -- politics, sports, current events, and life in general. After twenty years of writing business and community newsletters, fifteen years of fantasy baseball newsletters, and two years of email "columns", this is, I suppose, the inevitable result: the awful conceit that someone might actually care to read what I have to say. Posts may be added often, rarely, or never again. As always, my mood and motivation are unpredictable.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Trump Names Dr. Jack Kevorkian New Secretary of Trumpcare
By Manny Schewitz (almost certainly not his real name), for TheRedSchtick.com
After the House of Representatives passed its repeal of Obamacare, there was plenty of speculation about the replacement plan, which likely will be known as Trumpcare. Many questions abounded, including who would oversee the transition, which President Donald Trump moved quickly to address.
Speaking from the 15th bunker at Mar-a-Lago — which had been scanned by the Secret Service for any potential Sand People — The Donald proudly announced his new Secretary of Trumpcare, after proclaiming his triple bogey a win over obstructionist Democrats.
“The liberal media has unfairly reported Trumpcare as unfair to people with pre-existing conditions,” Trump said. “They have criticized my tremendous appointees as being unqualified or beholden to corporate interests. Sad!”
Following copious struggles through the 18th green, Trump announced his 30-over-par round as a huge success and prepared to introduce his new health care czar, who died in 2011.
“Dr. Kevorkian is well-known for his amazing work, and we haven’t seen a nominee as qualified for this job since Josef Mengele.”
“For far too long, millions of Americans have dealt with costly end-of-life expenses and needless medical costs for pre-existing conditions, like being a woman. It is unfair for these individuals to weigh down our tremendous health care system, which is the best in the world. Believe me.
“After consulting with Paul Ryan, we have decided the best way for us to reduce medical premiums and waste is toappoint Dr. Jack Kevorkian as our new Secretary of Trumpcare. Dr. Kevorkian is well-known for his amazing work, and we haven’t seen a nominee as qualified for this job since Josef Mengele.
“We have reviewed his record, and he has an amazing track record in treating patients and saving unnecessary costs. In fact, not one of his clients has ever issued a complaint after completing treatment.”
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