Welcome to Buster's Blog

Irregular commentary on whatever's on my mind -- politics, sports, current events, and life in general. After twenty years of writing business and community newsletters, fifteen years of fantasy baseball newsletters, and two years of email "columns", this is, I suppose, the inevitable result: the awful conceit that someone might actually care to read what I have to say. Posts may be added often, rarely, or never again. As always, my mood and motivation are unpredictable.

Buster Gammons

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The First Days Of The DT's

Delirium tremens, a.k.a. the DT's -- a rapid onset of confusion marked by shaking, sweating and seizures.  Typically caused by exposure to Donald Trump, it can also be caused by alcoholism.

Great Mussolini impression
Back on the 20th, Donnie Darko spit up his dystopian inaugural address -- no uplift, just bleakness, anger and selfishness:  "American carnage," "rust," "disrepair," "only America first."  (Sounds like a child with a toy:  Me first!  Me first!)

Thoroughly disgusting.  So the next day the lovely Mrs. Gammons and I got the hell out of Dodge and went to Punta Cana for week.  But news of America's DT's went viral and followed us to the Caribbean.  No escape!

First, there was more of his well-known insecurity over size.  Crowds for both Obama's inaugural and for the Women's March were far larger than for Trump, which sent him into a tizzy of denial.  Clearly, Mr. Dainty Digits has dick issues.

Then came a swift series of destructive "executive actions."  A partial list:
  • A gag order on the EPA
  • Cutting off federal funding for "sanctuary cities"
  • Beginning the process of dismantling the Affordable Care Act
  • Withdrawing from the TransPacific Partnership (which is not even in effect yet)
  • A really silly, stupid and arbitrary rule to eliminate two existing federal regulations (Pick 2, any 2!) as the price for instituting one new regulation
  • Proceeding with "The Wall" as well as the Keystone XL and Dakota Access pipelines
  • Establishing a "safe zone" (oxymoron) in Syria.  (Goody.  More war, anyone?)
  • The bigoted "travel ban" which bars admission to the U.S. for citizens of 7 Middle Eastern countries.  This idiot move drew immediate, well-deserved protests, lawsuits, and global condemnation.  Trumpolini and his minions swear it's not a Muslim ban (in effect, yes it is) and insist it'll keep us safer (it'll do the opposite)

He never smiles
All these actions/orders/memos are god-awful.  None is actual law, but each had its own vainglorious signing ceremony with leather binders and golden pens, as if it were major legislation.  "Look at me!  I'm signing something!  Don't I look important?"

Being in a multi-cultural resort in a foreign land as this Shit Show went down, we were naturally concerned about being perceived as the proverbial Ugly Americans.  Glad to report that, despite Trump, the rest of the world is still OK with us ordinary U.S. citizens.  No blame attaches, so far.  Our Dominican hosts were especially baffled by the rise of the Tangerine Nightmare.  As the lovely Mrs. Gammons so elegantly put it, "80% of Dominicans think Trump is maldito loco, while the other 20% believe he's just plain loco."

And now we're back home again looking at the craziness first hand.

Nah, I'll pass.
Although nobody likes him and his public approval is historically rock-bottom low, our national case of the DT's is going to last awhile.  We must recognize it, and take all necessary measures.  Resist, speak out, protest, disrupt, disobey.  Sue him!  Mock him, belittle him, and disrespect his illegitimate authority.  (That's what really chaps his ass, so it must be the right thing to do!  Ha-ha!)


Always Check The Label

Size Matters

Monday, 23 January 2017

Trump’s first bowel movement in White House twice the size of Obama’s, Press Secretary reports

Washington D.C. (dpo) - We knew Donald Trump wanted to go big, after all, ‘making America great again’ is no small task. Now, it seems he has delivered. The new White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced today to the gathered reporters of Washington, D.C., that the new President’s first official bowel movement was twice the size of Obama’s in 2009. 
Although White House claims on the size of the crowd at Mr. Trump’s inauguration are disputed, in this case, the facts appear to be clear. 
“It is only his first full working day in office and the President has already created the right atmosphere for his time in office.” Spicer’s voice trembled as he reported, “Mr. Trump’s first presidential bowel movement measured twice the volume of that recorded by his predecessor, Barack Obama. Period! Nothing to discuss.”
Spicer: “Here, on the Oval Office’s right-hand toilet, history was made.”
Several White House employees, including Spicer himself, were witnesses to Mr. Trump’s almost superhuman achievement. Unfortunately however, there is no photographic evidence of President Trump’s ‘first official doody’.
“With greatest respect to the 44 Presidents before him, we are convinced that this is the most magnificent pile of faeces ever deposited in the White House.”
Concluding the press conference, Mr. Spicer explicitly warned the journalists in attendance not to diminish or disparage Mr Trump’s achievements in the area of human waste excretion. “I know you folk in the media have sworn to make the President look ridiculous at every opportunity”, he explained, “so it’s lucky I’m here to take care of that.”

The Netherlands Introduces Itself To Trump

Friday, January 20, 2017

I Could Not Watch The Horror Show On TV Today

At that unthinkable moment when Trumpistopheles was being sworn in, where was I?

I was attending an anti-Trump rally on the Oval at Ohio State.  This was mainly a students protest, but I got an email invitation, so I went.  Of a few hundred people, I was probably the oldest person there, but that's OK.  Several young people made impassioned speeches, urging involvement and action of some sort, any sort, by everyone.

Then we marched from the Oxley statue across the Oval to the Student Union.  These young people are voters and informed citizens.  They were fired up, chanting slogans in support of democracy, women's rights, immigrants, and Black Lives Matter as we walked along.  It was a strong and inspiring show of opposition to Trump's hate-based constituency, and I felt proud to be among them.

Much better than watching the horror show which was on TV at the same time.

If only I could have had one of those bright young people give me directions back to my car.  All those damn parking garages look alike!

Make America Laugh Again . . . At Donald Trump

"Who needs a circus
when you have me?"
As I sit here thinking, pointedly not watching the day's ceremony, it seems to me that one of our best defenses against the trumpery* we're soon to suffer is humor.  Yes, let's make America laugh again -- and by that I mean laugh at Little Donnie Drumpf.  Constantly.  Hold him up to ridicule, laugh at him, tell jokes about him, and shift the meme factories into high gear.  It's easy.  He provides so much material.

If this no-respect/mockery approach offends the poor suckers who fell for the huckster's horseshit act, that's just too damn bad.  We didn't vote for him, you dumbasses did.  And there's more of us than you.  So piss off.  Plus, Mr. Thin Skin himself is so very easily offended, gritting his teeth, clenching his butthole, and issuing Twitter fatwas at every slight.  He literally can't stand to be laughed at.  Therefore, making fun of him endlessly just might prod him into flipping his heavily-lacquered lid and doing something impeachable sooner rather than later.  Worth a shot.

Laughter is the best medicine.  Laughing at this tacky and repulsive man, his Stepfordian family and his ass-wipe administration always makes me feel better.  I need it.  You too?  Then let's do it.  Let us now pledge to taunt Trump daily.  It'll be fun.  We'll have plenty of company, and we're just getting started.


* trumpery, n.  1. Superficially appealing, but having little real value or worth.  2. Trivial or useless articles.  3. Showy but worthless.  4. Deception, trickery, fraud.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Thoughts On Tomorrow's Inauspicious Day

"January 20th, 2017 -- a date which will live in infamy."  (Not FDR on Dec. 8, 1941)

"My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare has just begun."  (Not Gerald Ford on Aug. 9, 1974)

Right now, I can't stay drunk enough to enjoy this country.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

A Remarkable Figure In History

"Barack Hussein Obama is one of the most remarkable figures in black and American history.  His unlikely rise is not only, as he would have it, the beautiful completion of a trajectory of American exceptionalism.  It is, too, the triumph of an improbable black life that grew from a community where black death has been the norm for some of its most gifted leaders.

"We are exceedingly happy that he made it through alive.  We are crestfallen that the man succeeding him, like so many of those who voted for him, hated each breath that he drew."

                                                               -- Michael Eric Dyson 

Writing Is Hard, Presidenting Will Be Easy

Hey, Idiot Nation, here's the fraud you elected pretending he knows how to write:

Writing my inaugural address at the Winter White House, Mar-a-Lago, three weeks ago. Looking forward to Friday.

Instantly, far more intelligent Twitter users than he had some outstanding reactions:

"That's not how people write, Donald.  You need to put the paper flat on the desk and open the notepad."

"Also another foolproof tip, I find, is to look down at the words you're writing."

"Were you constipated while writing?  Sure looks like it."

"BTW, the 'Winter White House' is the White House."

"Yo, what's with the tiles behind you?  Are you writing inside a Turkish bath?  Or is that a room at the Kremlin?"

"Who is translating it from the original Russian?"

"You look as depressed as we feel."

"Oh, honey, this looks terribly staged.  Is that a Magic Marker?"

Obama May Be Leaving Office, But I'm Keeping My Swag

Hail and farewell, President Obama!  I'm really going to miss you.

Trump's KKK Kabinet -- Kooks, Klowns and Kommissars

To:  Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH) and Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH)
Subj.:  Cabinet Confirmation Hearings

Betsy DeVos is utterly ignorant of education law and thinks guns in schools is an OK idea, in case of "potential grizzlies."  Are you kidding me?  Just say no.

Like DeVos, virtually all of Trump's cabinet picks are obscenely unqualified and strongly opposed to the purpose of the agency they would lead.  It's like hogs to the trough.  Tom Price for HHS, Ben Carson for HUD, Scott Pruitt for EPA, Andy Puzder for Labor -- they're all just ideological hacks temperamentally unsuited to the task at hand.

Want more?  The pick to lead the DOJ, Jeff Sessions, is an anti-immigrant racist devoted to voter suppression.  The Secretary of State nominee, Rex Tillerson, is in league with Russian oil oligarchs.  Rick Perry, the choice for Energy, wants to eliminate that very department!

I could go on and on with more absurdities, but I won't.  As your constituent, I urge you to resist the rush job and vote to deny confirmation to all of Trump's unqualified and unsuitable cabinet picks.  We must do better.

Glasgow's Sunday Herald TV Listing Is Brilliant!

The Sunday Herald TV Section wins today.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Friday! Friday! Friday! Capitol Mall Carnage!

Trump Plagiarizes His "Best Ever" Inaugural Address

Being infamously possessed of a third-grade vocabulary, Little Donnie Diaper-Pants knows he'll need all the help he can get to deliver a passable speech on Friday.  He's seeking inspiration from history and, if these top-secret draft excerpts are any guide, he's "borrowing" heavily from the well-known texts of previous inaugural addresses (and if you don't know the original words, I'll leave it to you to Google them):

"And let us reflect that, having banished Muslims from our land with our religious intolerance, we now gladly countenance a political intolerance just as despotic, as wicked, and as capable of bitter and bloody persecutions."  March 4, 1801

"With malice toward all my many enemies, with charity for none, with firmness in the alt-right, as God gives me to see the alt-right."  March 4, 1865

"Much has been given us, and much will be rightly expected from us.  We have duties to others and duties to ourselves; and we will shirk both."  March 4, 1905

"We are provincials once again, not citizens of the world.  We are turning back."  March 5, 1917

"Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is the lying liberal media, and also Mexico, Muslims, China, nasty women, Saturday Night Live, Obamacare, Meryl Streep, John Lewis, political correctness, Crooked Hillary, the EPA, . . . "  March 4, 1933

"My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for My Brand."  January 20, 1961

What To Do On Inauguration Day

Avoid all media coverage of the inauguration event.  Just walk away.  It's going suck.  There will be zero good speakers or poets -- no Robert Frost, no Maya Angelou.  There will be zero good musical performers -- Toby Keith and a reality show singer?  Puh-leeeze!  

Don't go to work on Friday.  Call in sick and tell the boss you have an eye problem -- you just can't see Capt. Stubby Thumbs as a legitimate president.

Attend the anti-Trump rally at 11:30 a.m. on the OSU Oval.  (I just might do that!)

Drink to excess, pass out, and hope you don't wake up for four years.  Cheers!