Thursday, January 31, 2013
"Am I an unreasonable person?"
"I want her to have the 15-round magazine in a semi-automatic weapon to make sure, if there's two intruders, she doesn't run out of bullets. In that situation, the 15-round clip makes sense."
What if both intruders are armed?
What if Mama's a bad shot?
What if the two intruders top her 15-round clip with a 100-round drum?
What if there were twenty intruders?
What if there were roving hordes of zombies? OMG! What are we gonna do??
Yes, Lindsey, you are unreasonable. And you're a fear-mongering, cowardly shill for the NRA. I hope they paid you well for your pathetic little performance.
Your argument and logic are laughable: For proper self defense, Mama always has to out-gun any number of potential bad guys. Mama must always possess superior firepower to meet any perceived threat. Therefore, Mama needs her own personal NUKE!
Just to be safe, you know.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Gabby Giffords urged the legislators to "be bold, be courageous." One can only hope.
The NRA's Wayne Lapierre advised them to do nothing. He wants no new laws. Wayne said that because criminals would never abide by any gun registration requirement, fuck it, any such law would be a useless waste of time. By that logic, because murderers disregard laws against homicide, the laws ought to be repealed. Wayne is a special kind of stupid, isn't he?
A proponent of guns for self-defense testified that "a woman with 3 or 4 or 5 violent attackers in her home" would feel "safer" with a high-capacity semi-automatic assault rifle by her side. I'd think she'd feel safer moving to a different neighborhood.
A representative of a concealed-carry advocacy group announced that the goal of his faction was to "normalize the presence of firearms in daily life." Come again? That's just so damn crazy! My goal is the exact opposite.
These stark differences will never be resolved by hearings or national "conversations", and political compromises (large magazine bans and federal registration OK, assault weapons ban not OK? WTF?) guarantee that progress, if any, moves at a snail's pace.
Not good enough. Neither bold nor courageous. Typical democracy.
Occasionally, democracy pulls up lame and rational discourse fails. This is one of those times. When America has a gun for every man, woman and child and the gun industry wants to make it two guns, when we're senselessly shot down ever more frequently in our schools, churches, theaters, and shopping malls, when we can't agree that enough is simply enough, then we are way the fuck past the point of useful democratic debate. We don't need a vote, we need a Czar, a Commissioner, someone to rule and make the call on what should be done, once and for all, without fear of reversal.
I humbly submit myself for the task. :)
Speaking last week at a National Review meeting, Cruz said, "We've got two pending nominations, John Kerry and Chuck Hagel, both of whom are very prominently less-than-ardent fans of the U.S. military." Really?
Kerry left Yale to enlist in the Navy. He requested service in Viet Nam. He has three Purple Hearts, a Bronze Star and a Silver Star.
Hagel was drafted and entered the Army. He saw combat in Nam and Cambodia. He has two Purple Hearts and a piece of shrapnel still in his body.
Yesterday, John Kerry was easily confirmed as our next Secretary of State. The vote was 94 to 3. And you know it, one of the 3 no votes came from the new guy, Ted Cruz. What an asshole!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Certain conservative Catholic and Evangelical institutions, mostly schools, have been filing lawsuits like crazy because their stupid but official church position is that birth control is a sin, and that means they don't want their health insurance to cover or pay anything for contraception.
These schools employ many of their own "faithful" -- people who supposedly share the church's opposition to birth control, and would therefore never want it or use it even if it were available in their insurance plan.
But the schools also employ others who may not be of the particular faith and who may indeed want to use contraception, and it sure would be nice to have it be covered by insurance. Intelligent, planned use of birth control is a public health benefit and a damn good idea on our over-populated planet. (And let's be honest -- there are boatloads of Catholics and Evangelicals at these places who are on the pill or routinely wear the party hat. Duh!)
It's not a cost issue for these religious institutions. The cost of adding birth control coverage to a company's health insurance plan is next to nothing. And bear in mind that whatever the coverage includes, most of the premium cost is still being paid by the employee, not the employer. As always, no free lunch, just access.
So, all you disagreeable parochial-type schools . . . The law says ya gotta make birth control coverage available, and you say you don't wanna 'cause . . . why? Some sort of "religious belief"?
Your position is weak. Following the law does not harm your institution in the slightest, and doesn't prevent you from personally following your own religious belief.
This is one of those cases where your "belief" is like a penis: It's fine that you have one, and it's fine that you're proud of it. But don't take it out in public and wave it around. And don't try to stuff it down my throat.
I think we're done here.
First, I hate lists. In the internet age, it seems like everybody makes lists about everything every day. The Top this, the Best that, and so on and so forth, ad nauseum. Second, back in the day, I never had much luck with blonde girls. Don't know why. Just the way it was.
So naturally it's time for Buster's List of the Top 30 Blonde Bombshells of American Cinema.
My list is completely subjective. It has a Golden Age prejudice, given my opinion that true "bombshells" began with the talkies and became extinct somewhere in the 1970's (when I stopped fantasizing about celluloid cuties and started going after some real ones.)
A couple loose rules apply to my list:
- A bombshell actress is a "hot mama" with an obvious aura of sexuality. Marilyn Monroe, yes. Debbie Reynolds, no.
- She must be generally known as a blonde. Ann Margaret and Racquel Welch are certainly bombshells, but not generally blonde.
- She must have fairly high name recognition. Sari Maritza and Franciska Gaal (who?) don't make the cut.
Without further ado, here, in chronological order, are Buster's Top 30 Blonde Bombshells of American Cinema. (Why 30? It's all I could think of.)
|Mae West 1893-1980|
|Marion Davies 1897-1961|
|Marlene Dietrich 1901-1992|
|Constance Bennett 1904-1965|
|Carole Lombard 1908-1942|
|Gloria Stuart 1910-2010|
|Jean Harlow 1911-1937|
|Lana Turner 1921-1995|
|Veronica Lake 1922-1973|
|Lauren Bacall 1924 - present|
|Eva Marie Saint 1924-present|
|Marilyn Monroe 1926-1962|
|Janet Leigh 1927-2004|
|Grace Kelly 1929-1982|
|Tippi Hedren 1930-present|
|Anne Francis 1930-2011|
|Carroll Baker 1931-present|
|Kim Novak 1933-present|
|Jayne Mansfield 1933-1967|
|Brigitte Bardot 1934-present|
|Ursula Andress 1936-present|
|Shirley Eaton 1937-present|
|Elke Sommer 1940-present|
|Faye Dunaway 1941-present|
|Julie Christie 1941-present|
|Britt Ekland 1942-present|
|Yvette Mimieux 1942-present|
|Catherine Deneuve 1943-present|
|Goldie Hawn 1945-present|
|Farrah Fawcett 1947-2009|
Of course the best bombshell on any list is the lovely non-blonde Mrs. Gammons!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
The GOP is in trouble and they know it. At their recent national convention, they made nice conciliatory noises about being more inclusive and open-minded, and transforming themselves from "the stupid party*" into "the party for everybody.**"
Good luck with that. The real power and money behind the Republicans continues to be Wall Street and Big Business. It's their natural constituency -- quite wealthy but fairly small in numbers. The rest of the party base is cobbled together from an odd mix of Tea Baggers and socially and religiously conservative nut jobs. None of these factions has a good track record when it comes to being inclusive, open-minded and for everybody.
And although they tried to be warmer and fuzzier at their convention, back in D.C. Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan, the co-chairs of the Scorched Earth Society, are still itching to slash and burn us into economic standstill. Don't expect much in the way of real change from the GOP.
The Republicans have big demographic problems which are only going to get bigger, so their real preservation strategy will be to continue with their 2010 game plan: Suppress voter turnout, gerrymander to the extreme wherever possible, and try to bust and de-fund organized labor. Try to rig the game so that the majority doesn't rule.
They've had some success with this on the state level, and now Virginia Republicans have unveiled a new variation on the theme, this one with national implications involving the Electoral College in presidential elections. Almost all states employ a winner-take-all method of assigning electors. The candidate with the most votes gets all of the state's electors. Virginia's statehouse R's are now proposing a skewed, gerrymandered "proportional" scheme for assigning their state electors. If this plan had been in place in November, Mitt Romney would have "won" Virginia with 69% of the state's electors to just 31% for President Obama, even though Obama trounced him in the popular vote. Novel idea of "proportional."
Virginia hasn't yet adopted this cheater's program into law. If you think the idea is blatantly unfair bullshit, click this link and let 'em know:
A lot of people have long thought that the Electoral College is an antiquated concept whose time has passed. Maybe they're right and it's time for the Electoral College to go. Maybe Virginia can go with it.
(* La. Governor Bobby Jindal)
(**GOP Chairman Reince Priebus)
It's the 40th anniversary of the historic Roe v. Wade decision, and lately the anti-abortion forces -- so ably represented in the last election cycle by spectacular losers like Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock and Rick Santorum -- have been vocal.
There was a march in D.C., and local Catholic students here in central Ohio were let out of classes to attend an anti-abortion mass. John Boehner marked the date by declaring that ending abortion is "one of our most fundamental goals" and that he wants the procedure to be "a relic of the past."
That would be OK if you could do it by guaranteeing that all future pregnancies will be planned and happy and wished for, and that the resulting offspring will be raised and cared for by loving parents. It'd be OK if you could somehow ensure that no woman would ever again need to deal with an unintended pregnancy. If you could do that, Orange John, you'd have everybody with you.
But you can't do it. In all of history, no one ever has.
Instead, what you and the other self-appointed moralists want to do is legally force certain unhappy women to deliver and raise unwanted children. It's motherhood as a punishment: "You should have known better." It's caring more about zygotes than actual living, breathing human beings. It's a perverse misunderstanding of the notion of compassion.
No one is "for" abortion, but I can't think of anything sadder than an unwanted child.
Those who want to overturn Roe and effectively ban all abortions say that unwanted babies are sacred blessings whose importance outweighs all other considerations.
Buster suggests that those high-principled people put their money where their mouth is: They should personally take in all the unwanted children and they should take all responsibility to raise all those blessings to adulthood.
And if you're not willing to do that -- and I mean do it literally -- then just shut the fuck up!
Friday, January 25, 2013
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen that's exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
Bailey, a recent retiree and a proud advocate of gun rights, has been confirmed by multiple sources as being a true patriot, and is, at present, the only person capable of preventing top-secret forces within the government from striking and forcefully coercing hundreds of millions of Americans to submit to a fascist and brutal New World Order.
Since the early 1990s, sources estimated the gun owner has staved off innumerable large-scale government threats, all from the center of his 12-acre ranch.
“It is every American’s right to be good and armed, and that’s a right that should always be protected,” said Bailey, now the sole American protecting the nation from the government’s hidden plot of disarming all citizens, gradually gaining control of the mass media, and installing martial law throughout the nation’s streets. “Our Founding Fathers intended for each and every one of us to protect ourselves from tyranny. That’s what America is all about.”
“What happens when the feds show up at your front door and start telling you how much meat you can eat or how to raise your kids?” continued the lifetime NRA member, brandishing the very weapon that now serves as the final hope of staving off a totalitarian state. “Is that the future you want?”
Bailey, who keeps his gun on his person at all times and regularly patrols his property in his truck, has reportedly struck dread into the very highest-ranking members of the U.S. government.
According to sources, top government and military officials are fully aware that they remain unable to commence with their oppressive, systematic subjugation of the American populace as long as the 62-year-old owner of a rifle exists.
Additional reports confirmed that Bailey’s frequent practice of shooting his gun at empty bean cans in his backyard has repeatedly forced government officials to reassess both their ground and air strategies for the impending takeover.
“The way I see it, the Second Amendment’s been keeping this nation free and secure for well over 200 years,” Bailey said, valiantly standing in front of his home that is constantly being monitored by CIA agents and elite Special Forces operatives, who are told to maintain a safe distance from the formidable 62-year-old. “First they’ll come for our guns and next…well, shoot, I don’t really plan on ever seeing what the hell happens next.”
While the federal government is more than adequately prepared to begin the first phase of its plan of convoying Second Amendment adherents to newly established FEMA concentration camps, high-level members of the Obama Administration involved in the widespread conspiracy confirmed that they have been forced to resort to alternate methods due solely to Bailey’s heroics.
“As long as there’s someone like Earl out there with a gun and ammunition, we are unable to carry out our attack on America,” said Maxwell Caufield, a covert military leader in charge of the operation to turn the country into an authoritarian, one-party state wherein the basic rights of citizens are stripped away in order to create total government control. “Try as we did to spread our distorted gun control propaganda—claiming that it would protect innocent people across the country from needless deaths—the man just wouldn’t bite. There is simply nothing we can do about Earl and his gun, damn him.”
“You’ve got to hand it to him, really,” Caufield added. “If it weren’t for Earl, you’d be looking at a totally different country.”
(Published in The Onion, 1/22/13, www.theonion.com)