Gettysburg Address

Donald Trump was in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania over the weekend to make a "major address."  I didn't listen to it, but from what I gather, it boiled down to this:

The Donald learns about Gettysburg for the very first time
from a federal employee whose job he will eliminate.

"First, I will sue all the lying nasty women, just like Abraham Lincoln did.

Then I will stop fraud and corruption with a hiring freeze on all federal employees because, as everyone knows, government employees are always, by their very nature, fraudulent and corrupt."







Some who were in attendance are saying that Honest Don's Gettysburg Address actually went like this:

"Fourscore and seven weeks ago I brought forth upon this continent a tremendous campaign, conceived as the most lucrative deal ever and dedicated to the self-evident proposition that nobody is my equal.

Now I am engaged in a rigged election, testing whether that nasty bitch is going to steal what is rightfully mine, or whether my campaign can lock her up where she belongs while I divert millions in donations into profit for my companies. I come here to dig up this sacred ground and lay the foundation for the greatest Trump Hotel ever, a luxurious resting place for scores of gorgeous models, whom I will date as soon as they turn 14. This I may with all my properties do.

But, in the making America great sense, after I inaugurate, I cannot allow anyone ever again to regulate or litigate against me or my enterprises. The corrupt media and party traitors who struggled to bar me from my goal I will subjugate. The world will deeply note, and forever remember, what I say here because I will order it engraved and covered in gold leaf on every building for 100 miles in every direction and memorized by every school child in the nation.

It is for me, the soon-to-be greatest president who ever was or will be, to obligate the nation to undertake the great task remaining ahead—that, from this day forward all shall be unwaveringly devoted to that cause for which I have dedicated myself, culminating in the birth of a government of me, by me, for me, to cherish forevermore." *

(* from Meteor Blades at dailykos.com)