(written for the NUMB News, Oct. 1998, after a season in which McGwire & Sosa both broke the old HR mark and Cal Ripken finally took a day off.)
Well, what a marvelous season it has been! Chock full of milestones and achievement. Young flamethrower Kerry Wood had a 20 K game, and old thief Rickey Henderson led the bigs with 66 stolen bases. The Yankees won 114 games, setting a new A.L. record. "And on the 2633rd day, he rested." After 2632 in a row, Cal Ripken took a one game break.
Of course, THE big story was the home run race. Mark McGwire clubbed 70 and Sammy Sosa slammed 66. They didn't just break Maris' old mark, they obliterated it! Griffey hit 56 and we yawned. Seventy is a nice, fat, round number, but as single-season records go, is it unbreakable?
You want to talk "unbreakable" single-season records? Try some of these: Jack Chesbro, 41 wins; Nolan Ryan, 383 strikeouts; Bob Gibson, 1.12 ERA; Hack Wilson, 190 RBI; Rogers Hornsby, .424 batting average; Rickey Henderson, 130 stolen bases; Joe DiMaggio, 56 game consecutive hit streak. How 'bout them apples? Anybody gonna beat those? Not lately and not likely.
But for my money, the one truly unbreakable mark is none of the above single-season numbers. It's a career number. It's Ripken. 2632 consecutive games played. And it's not so much that nobody could approach that number, it's that nobody wants to. Cripes, nobody even plays both ends of a double-header anymore! Every game for a full season? Are you nuts? Year after year, without skipping one game? You need a brain scan, buddy! Who, ever again, will have the talent, strength, health, and shear bull-headedness to force his manager to play him every day?? For 16 seasons, not just one! It'll never happen again. NEVER! Never ever! Never . . . never say never . . . Zzzzzzz . . .
It's the year 2018. There have been a few changes in the national pastime. Commissioner Emeritus Bud Selig retired in 2008 and has been chairing the Search Committee ever since. Daughter Wendy is "interim" commissioner, 9 years and counting. Under her watchful eye, expansion has further stretched the available talent. There are 40 big-league teams, stocked with players from around the world. Belgian pitching sensation Willi "The Waffle" LeWafft won 24 games last year, despite the new rule which eliminated the pitcher's mound. Mound-less ballparks are but one example of the many changes of the past 20 years, most of which have been aimed at increasing scoring (as if Coors Field weren't enough!).
One critical and long overdue change was the A.L.'s decision, in the year 2001, to do away with the D.H. Pitchers in the junior circuit were again, at long last, botching the sacrifice bunt. Unfortunately, in the same breath, Wendy and The Lost Boys (a.k.a. the owners) also created the "Designated 1st Baseman" rule. This "enhancement of the fans' enjoyment" required the 1st baseman, while in the field, to keep one foot on the bag at all times. He could field any ball he could reach and could of course take throws from teammates, but he had to remain anchored to the sack! Suddenly, every team from here to Far Foodle needed left-handed batters and quick, rangy 2nd basemen. The new "D-1" rule further stipulated that, when batting, 1st basemen did not need to run the bases. Just dig in and hack! The baserunning was left to the "D.R." -- Designated Runner. (Track men Michael Johnson and Carlton Bailey enjoyed brief "baseball" cameos.)
The upshot of all this tinkering? The forced immobility of the D-1 created a new highly durable breed of 1st basemen. No running and precious little fielding! No pain, no strain -- just swing, pose, and let the sprinter take off. With so little exertion needed, 1st base careers were resurrected and extended all over the place. Dave Kingman, Greg Luzinski, Gorman Thomas and Rob Deer were reincarnated as D-1's. Paul Molitor played with distinction until 2010. Mark McGwire finished his career with 754 HR's -- unable to catch Aaron because, under the weight of his ever-broadening shoulders, his arches finally collapsed like springs on an old DeSoto. Retiring after 1998, Cecil "Tree Roots" Fielder came back in 2001 to play another ten years before literally busting a gut and hanging 'em up for good.
Incredibly, the ultimate D-1 turned out to be none other than . . . Bob Hamelin. A part-time Tiger DH through 2000, he was born again in 2001 as a D-1. A former outfielder and rookie of the year for the Royals, Hamelin was known in his early years as "The Hammer". As a D-1, this was shortened to, simply, "The Ham". For the Tigers, then the Brewers, and finally for the Greensboro Goobers (ah, expansion!), the corpulent Ham played on . . . and on. His consecutive game streak started in late 2001 and kind of snuck up on everyone. Nothing was written or said until 2011 when Greensboro manager Pete Rose Jr. casually mentioned to a sportswriter that the Ham hadn't missed a game in ten years. No! Could it be? Jesus, it was true! And the Iron Man Hamelin watch began.
Six years later, on Sept. 23, 2017, in a home game, Bob "The Ham" Hamelin, 305 lbs. and in his mid-50's, played his 2633rd consecutive game and broke Cal Ripken's unbreakable record. The event was marked by the usual hoopla and wretched excess. The game was stopped. Interim Commissioner W. Selig made a speech and gave Hamelin a commemorative seat cushion. The Ham said a few words. Bands played and jets flew overhead. Unable to jog around the track ala Ripken's hand-slapping victory lap of '95, Hamelin sat in a folding chair at 1st base and had the fans come to him. It all took several hours.
Gehrig spun in his grave. Cal shrugged and had another glass of milk. After the game, Hamelin ordered a pizza and announced his retirement, effective immediately . . .
. . . Zzzzzz . . . Wha'?? . . . Yeah, I'm awake . . . Whoa! Weird dream!
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