Baseball Quotes and Bushisms (2008)

(From the Buster Gammons column of 3/7/08)

Buster Goes Bartlett’s: Wherein I realize I have nothing else to say, and so yield to the quoted words and wisdom of others.

Lady, I'm not an athlete. I'm a baseball player. John Kruk

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? Jim Bouton

The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up. Bob Uecker

Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball. Woodie Held

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. Dave Barry

It ain't nothin' till I call it. Bill Klem, umpire

They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation.In short, umpires should be acute Republicans. George Will

His press corps is bigger than mine. And we both have trouble answering questions in English. President George W. Bush, on Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka

(And just like that, a segue into the political.)

Author Calvin Trillin noticed the President’s linguistic deficiency back in 2000 when he penned the short poem entitled “A Scientific Observation on the Speaking Problems That Seem to Run in the Bush Family”:

He thinks that hostile's hostage.

He cannot say subliminal.
The way Bush treats the language
Is bordering on criminal.

His daddy had the problem.

He used the noun-less predicate.

Those cowboy boots can do that

To people from Connecticut.


So, as actually uttered by that Rove-brained, mush-mouthed, chuckle-headed, born again reformed party boy, compassionate conservative Cheney-puppet dolt of a lame-duck (yippee!) President of ours, Buster can’t help himself and must give you, courtesy of About.com: Political Humor, . . .

“The Top Ten Bushisms of All Time”

“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”

“I know how hard it is to put food on your family.”

“I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.”

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”“You work three jobs? . . . Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” -- to a divorced mother of three in Omaha.

“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”

“They misunderestimated me.”

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on . . . shame on you. Fool me . . . you can’t get fooled again.” -- in Nashville