Their lead headline on the front page read: "Jobs report bad news for Obama". This conclusion was drawn because the country's job growth in August wasn't as much as had been expected. The government report said 96,000 jobs were added in the month. The administration had hoped for 125,000. (The day before, payroll giant ADP said their private sector clients added over 200,000 jobs in August.)
In an alternate universe, the Dispatch headline would have been: "REPORT SHOWS JOB GROWTH FOR 30TH MONTH IN A ROW. AFTER INHERITING WORST RECESSION SINCE 1929, PRETTY GOOD RECOVERY!"
Further down the front page, another article was headlined: "Husted gives in, defends intentions". Secretary of State Husted had previously reduced in-person early voting hours, eliminating all weekend hours. A federal District Court judge ruled that he must allow early voting on November 3rd-5th, the three days prior to the election. Husted then issued a statewide order telling all election boards to ignore the judge's ruling. The judge was not amused and ordered Husted to appear before him. So Husted "gave in" and reversed himself. He said the intention of his original order was to "reduce confusion."
Through the looking-glass, the Dispatch headline would have read: "HUSTED AGREES TO FOLLOW JUDGE'S RULING, ADMITS INTENTIONS WERE TO INCREASE CONFUSION AND LIMIT VOTER TURN-OUT".
Such headlines are highly unlikely, but wouldn't they be fun?
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