The Toy He Could Never Buy

Half-watching the Bengals vs. the Steelers while my mind wanders into wishful thinking territory . . .

Donald Trump is a walking Hefty bag stuffed full of psychoses.  He's spent a lifetime faking it, showing off  and overcompensating for his myriad shortcomings and his daddy issues.  One manifestation of his megalomania is his longtime desire to own an NFL team.  The militaristic aspects of football -- ground attack, aerial attack, marching down the field, the bomb, the blitz! -- have obvious appeal to Cadet Bonespurs.

But from the outset, the snobbish clique of wealthy NFL owners recognized gold-plated trailer trash when they saw it and snubbed his neurotic attempts to join their club.  Pretty much black-balled his tacky, nouveau-riche ass.

As owner of the USFL New Jersey Generals

Unable to sit at the grownups table, in 1983 the Comb-over Kid settled for buying a team in the upstart USFL.  In 1984, he led an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL, designed to force a merger with the league.  The USFL won the case but was awarded pennies, literally, and the league soon went out of business.  In 1988, he was in discussions to buy the New England Patriots, but backed out when it became clear he would not get the required 75% approval from NFL owners (having just sued them).  He launched a serious attempt in 2014 to buy the Buffalo Bills, but was outbid.  He reacted with typically childish sore-loser tweets denigrating the team's new owner and the NFL.

But what if?  What if the NFL had welcomed the Brooklyn Hillbilly into their fraternity instead of ostracizing him?  What if they let him buy that new toy he wanted so damn much?

We'd be in midst of Hillary Clinton's first term as president, Donnie Demento would be harmlessly bloviating in Buffalo, and we'd all have been spared from our ongoing nightmare reality.

It could have happened that way.  In an alternate reality, maybe it did.


#FDT
#GrabEmByTheMidterms