Cheney Calls For International Ban On Torture Reports

WASHINGTON -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday called upon the nations of the world to "once and for all ban the heinous and despicable practice of publishing torture reports."

"Like many Americans, I was shocked and disgusted by the Senate Intelligence Committee's publication of a torture report today," Cheney said in a prepared statement.  "The transparency and honesty found in this report represent a gross violation of our nation's values."

"The publication of torture reports is a crime against all of us," he added.  "Not just those of us who have tortured in the past, but everyone who might want to torture in the future."

Saying the Senate's "horrifying publication" had inspired him to act,  Cheney called for an international conference on the issue of torture reports:  "I ask all the great nations of the world to stand up, expose the horrible practice of publishing torture reports, and say, 'This is not who we are.'"
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(From the Borowitz Report, by Andy Borowitz, 12/9/14, www.newyorker.com)