Comey be like: Hey Congress, since you asked, our completed investigation of Hillary Clinton's use of private email while Secretary of State has determined there is no basis for indictment or prosecution. There was no evidence of harm done and certainly no criminal intent. End of story. But even so, let me say I personally think she was extremely careless.
Then Trump be like: Comey let her off the hook! A disgusting example of our rigged system. Comey is a corrupt SOB! If Hillary was careless, she should be in jail. Locker her up! Lock her up!
|"I hate Jim Comey!"|
Comey be like: Hey Congress, I know you didn't ask and it's outside of policy, but I thought you might want to know anyway. We have Carlos Danger's laptop and it has a bunch of Huma's emails on it. Haven't looked at the emails and don't know what's in 'em. Probably nothing, but then again, maybe something pertinent about Hillary. I know you'll treat this info-crumb with all due discretion and confidentiality.
Then Trump be like: James Comey is a fine American and a true patriot. It took courage and guts for him to give Congress an early heads-up on this devastating whatever-it-is new thing which I can now use for rampant speculation and unfounded accusations. I thank him. Comey is my new BFF!
|"I love Jim Comey!"|