Passages (a la Buster)

'Tis the time when media make lists of notables who died during the year. Many of these lists are quite long, and are filled with dignitaries who, in one way or another, helped make this world a better place.

I offer just two remembrances. Both passed recently. One good, one bad.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il, age 69.
Possessor of ridiculous hair, bug-eye specs, and semi-scary Junior Achievment nuclear warheads. ("Yes, Yankee dog, we got A-bomb! And we got crazy rockets -- go up, down, sideways, we never sure! How you rike us now?") Kim Jong Il was also an "incredible" athlete. State-run media reported that in his first attempt at bowling, he rolled a perfect game, and in his first round of golf, he had five holes-in-one.

The "Dear Leader" has been dead a couple weeks, and yesterday they finally got around to planting his carcass, as thousands of citizens looked on in sorrow. ("OK, comrades, at count of three, you may begin to mourn spontaneously. Ready? One, two, . . .)


Just like John Kennedy's, his grave will feature an "eternal flame". This will, all by itself, double the average nighttime illumination in all of North Korea.







Cheetah the Chimpanzee, age 80.
Acclaimed film star of the 1930's and 1940's. Cheetah saved Tarzan, Jane and Boy from countless jungle dangers, always pointing, jumping, and screeching his warning in the nick of time. He also added comic relief in the form of flipping, tumbling, banana theft and all-around horseplay.

Cheetah died yesterday. The under-appreciated actor had been quietly retired in California, and reportedly kept himself busy with finger-painting and flinging his own feces.


Cheetah lived longer than Kim Jong Il, and it's only fitting. He was the better person.