Welcome to Buster's Blog

Irregular commentary on whatever's on my mind -- politics, sports, current events, and life in general. After twenty years of writing business and community newsletters, fifteen years of fantasy baseball newsletters, and two years of email "columns", this is, I suppose, the inevitable result: the awful conceit that someone might actually care to read what I have to say. Posts may be added often, rarely, or never again. As always, my mood and motivation are unpredictable.

Buster Gammons

Monday, January 14, 2019

U.A. to C'Bus: Culture Shock

We know a couple who are lifelong residents of Upper Arlington, one of the more "prestigious" suburbs of Columbus, Ohio.  It has a population of 35,000, of which 39% are age 50 or older, 92% are white, and a majority are Republican.  Upper Arlington has a median income of $101,000, and the highest property taxes in central Ohio.

They're selling their U.A. home and moving to Columbus proper, with its population of 880,000.  Only 18% are age 45 or older, just 56% are white, and the majority are Democrats.  Columbus has a median income of $49,000 and relatively modest property taxes.

Basically, they're trading small, white, old, conservative and rich for bigger, more diverse, younger, liberal, and less affluent.

The move is bound to be a bit of a culture shock for these self-proclaimed "one-percenters."  Being of wealth, they really don't need to leave the lofty land of Arlington.  They just want to, mainly to cut their cost of living with lower taxes.

To aid them in adjusting to the declasse Columbus lifestyle, Buster offers these tips for fitting in:
  • Most people in Columbus assign no status or value to your bank balance.
  • Most are not Republican.
  • Most do not have a broker.
  • Most do not play golf.
  • Some do not have a yard.
  • Most will not recognize you.  Many neighbors will simply ignore you.
  • You'll hear hear many more non-English speakers than you're accustomed to hearing in U.A.
  • Most Columbus dogs are mutts, not pure-breds.
  • Unlike the semi-official U.A. "uniform" of button-downs, khakis, plaids, scarves, boat shoes, $200 sunglasses, and anything from Talbot's, Ralph Lauren, or L.L. Bean, there is no particular Columbus uniform.  Wear whatever.
  • The City of Columbus picks up your trash for no additional charge.
Welcome to C'Bus!  Welcome to average!

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