Far more likely reasons that the man who once claimed to be, as a youth, "the best baseball player in New York" will not perform this traditional rite of spring:
- Mr. Pixie Fingers can no longer properly grasp the ball in his tiny little hands.
- When he did it in the past, he looked like he was taking a horrible shit.
- He's afraid of being publicly booed by 40,000 people at Nationals Park.
- He's scared of the numerous Mexican and Latino players on the rosters of both teams.