The New Richter Scale For Fracking

I wish columnist Joe Blundo owned the Columbus Dispatch, instead of the Wolf's media monster.  Joe is a regular columnist whose marching orders are to be amusingly topical but controversy-free.  He usually writes in a non-partisan, "meh" sort of way, but every so often he strikes the right satirical chord and lets his true colors fly.  Like today.

Reacting to the recent earthquakes in Youngstown and the mealy-mouthed, responsibility-denying  comments from the ODNR and the fracking industry, Joe has proposed a new 1-to-10 Richter Scale for seismic use in Ohio and other fracking regions.  My favorites are Levels 1, 4, and 9:

Level 1.  Quake?  What quake?  I felt nothing.

Level 4.  Yes, the building did sway slightly.  But I think it was just the effect of the economy growing from responsible oil and gas exploration.

Level 9.  We've been given a unique opportunity to rebuild our state from the ground up.