Working Without A Net

"Safety net" has suddenly gone viral. All the Republican candidates are talking about it.

Recently Mitt Romney said, "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there."

Newt Gingrich retorts, "I'm for turning the safety net into a trampoline for the poor, so they can spring up and quit being poor." Newt elaborated by saying that, ideally, the poor would spring all the way up to the moon so we wouldn't have to look at them anymore.

Rick Santorum said that he considers safety nets to be a form of contraception against an unwanted outcome, and because the Vatican does not approve of contraception, safety nets for the poor are therefore immoral. Santorum suggested that some people might want to try the rhythm method to reduce their chances of poverty, but said he believes that a certain amount of poor people is God's will.

Ron Paul said that safety nets are neither bad nor good, but his point is that the government should not be in the safety net business. Said Paul, "In my administration, if you decide you want a safety net, fine -- go get one for yourself. Who's stopping you? It just won't be a government-issued safety net. And if you can't figure out how to get one without Uncle Sam's help, well, tough shit, pal. You're on your own."