This is old stuff and you've probably seen it (or something similar) before, but it's still hilarious. It's from the original Hollywood Squares TV show. The host, Peter Marshall, would ask the questions, and the stars would ad-lib some great answers:
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Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but it still won't go up to your apartment.
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According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
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Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
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In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
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Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
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What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.
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As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing-older question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
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According to Zsa Zsa Gabor, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way.
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What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!
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If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him, I guess.
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Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
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Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
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In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
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Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind.
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It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
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True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
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Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
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During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
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Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
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When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
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True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
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If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
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According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
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Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
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While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
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It is the most abused and neglected part of your body. What is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
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Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
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According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
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Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.
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Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
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When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
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Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
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If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
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Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
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You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
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Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
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At NASA, what keeps the cool air running around in the spacesuits?
Paul Lynde: Itsy Bitsy Eskimoes....
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According to Better Homes and Gardens, is it a good idea to give your yard a light sprinkle?
Michael Landon: ...Well, if you can't make it to the house, I mean...
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