Yesterday, Mitt Romney was campaigning in Cincinnati, accompanied by Ohio Senator Rob Portman. Together, they are two of the blandest, most boring, bought-and-paid-for whitebread Republicans on the scene today. Romney made a little speech at some local company, and Portman introduced him. I saw a video clip this morning and I wish I could find it, because the Robby and Mitt Show set new records for uninspiring blah. All I can find is the photo, but trust me, it was a cheap thin steak and there was no sizzle.
In a soft monotone devoid of any noticeable emotion, Portman said something like, ". . . And now I'll introduce the man I'm endorsing for president, Mitt Romney. Let's give him a big Cincinnati welcome." There was a smattering of perfunctory applause followed by silence.
Amid the silence, Romney sprang to the podium and grabbed the microphone, waving his arms as though an ovation was washing over him. With his usual fake smile glued onto his plastic mug, and all the forced enthusiasm he could muster, Mitt said something like, "Oh, wow, what a great introduction! Thank you so much, Senator Portman, for all your nice words. You're much too kind. Thank you. Oh, it's so great to be here!" But the audience just sat there, imitating statues.
At that point, Mitt and Rob wore facial expressions that said, "Fuck it. Let's wrap this up and go grab a Scotch at the Hyde Park Country Club."
Note to Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, and Wayne Dyer -- The Robby and Mitt Motivational Tour has been cancelled. Your jobs are safe.
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