A Clear Choice In Michigan

Not that it will mean much, but today is the GOP Michigan primary. Ron Paul and The Newt-ster are sitting this one out, so the loyal R's from that state up north will choose between Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. Polls say it's a dead heat.

Romney is a Michigan guy, a supposed "favorite son", and should've been a shoo-in. But, to borrow Ann Richardson's great line about George W. Bush, "Poor Mitt. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth."

While trying to work his man-of-the-people routine, Mitt has babbled inanely about tree height and "the parts" of Michigan, volunteered that he and the missus "drive four cars" (Simultaneously? Wow!), and said that he is a big NASCAR fan, to the extent that he's "good friends with several team owners." (And he doesn't know shit about baseball either, but he hangs out with the Steinbrenners.)

And yesterday, Romney earned the support of one of his "favorite" artists, none other than that whiskey-swillin', ho-bangin', trailer trash, white rapper/rocker Kid Rock. How's that for common-man street cred? Except Kid Rock is really Bobby Ritchie, born into privilege just north of Detroit. His father owned a couple Lincoln-Mercury dealerships. Bobby was raised in an 8000 square foot lakefront home with enough acreage for horses, apple orchards and a party barn. So . . . yeah.

On the other hand, in his quest to be the Biggest Conservative among Conservatives, Santorum has now left Puritan-ville and is speeding straight toward Torquemada Town.

Rick The Ick has recently said, "Separation of church and state makes me want to throw up. I don't believe in it."

"Obama said he wants everyone in America to go to college. What a snob!"

Rick's worried about our kids, worried about "some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them."

According to Rick, "[Most] kids who enter college with some sort of faith commitment leave without it."

(And from 3 years ago but still fair game because Rick says he stands behind his words) "This is a spiritual war and the Father of Lies, Satan, has his sights on the USA."


So, Michigan voters, your choice is clear: Would you prefer The Gilded Age or The Inquisition?