"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." -- Henny Youngman
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." -- Garrison Keillor
"When speaking, be sincere, be brief, and be seated." -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." -- Flip Wilson
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -- Kurt Vonnegut
"If you can't be kind, at least be vague." -- Judith Martin
"One nice thing about egotists -- they don't talk about other people." -- George Carlin
"Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it." -- George Santayana
"A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble." -- Adlai Stevenson
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." -- Woody Allen
http://bustergammons.blogspot.com/2012/04/dozen-of-best-things-anybody-ever-said.html
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