"If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing." -- Kingsley Amis
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover your high school class is running the country." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" -- Charlie McCarthy
"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anyone." -- Mark Twain
"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." -- Errol Flynn
"I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother." -- Artemus Ward
"The more he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted the spoons." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Either this wallpaper goes or I do." -- The last words of Oscar Wilde
"I am firm. You are obstinate. He is a pig-headed fool." -- Katharine Whitehorn
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" -- Steven Wright
"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level." -- Quentin Crisp
"I think everyone should be treated in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences." -- George Carlin
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