Campaign Ads: Where Truth And Dignity Go To Die

She's running for Ohio Secretary of State.  She's an out-spoken black woman.  She appears all by herself in grainy black and white, with horror-movie music in the background, while the voice-over speaks in deep, ominous tones of her supposed issues with taxes, texts and turds, as if she's Evil Incarnate.  She's Nina Turner, and "she can't be trusted."

Then the voice-over brightens, angels are singing, sun is shining, and "a better choice" -- incumbent Secretary of State Jon Husted together with his wife and kids -- suddenly appears in full living color.  (The color white, that is.)

It's Vote Suppressor Jon Husted's latest campaign ad, and it pretty much pushes all the shitty buttons we've come to know and loathe.

(Sorry I can't find the ad on YouTube, but some of you have seen it anyway.)

Not all campaign ads play the race card, but almost all adhere to a few tried-and-true rules of political posturing:

• Black and white is bad.  Color is good.

• Something is always "broken" -- the city, state, country, Congress, economy, etc.  My opponent broke it and only I can fix it.

• My opponent "raised our taxes."  This is never, ever allowed, no matter what.  It's a fatal fucking flaw.  I will cut taxes, no matter what.

• "Veteran."  No disrespect, but it doesn't mean much.  Some use their military service like a first name -- "Marine veteran Josh Mandel."  There are tens of thousands of veterans in this country.  It's not, in and of itself, a qualification to hold public office.  What else ya got?

• "Fighter."  So says every candidate. But what do they fight for?

• "Wrong for our state."  However, my opponent would be fine for, say, Idaho, and should move there immediately.

• "We can't afford . . . [my opponent]."  Myself, I come dirt cheap.

• "You just can't trust . . . [my opponent]."  As for me, I am above reproach.  Ooh, look --lobbyist!!

• "Family man."  Two, four, six, eight!  I can sure inseminate!!!