11th Choice Caves In, Agrees To Coach Browns

After enduring a full day of grueling pressure and tortuous persuasion, including threats to his family, Mark Pettitte finally broke down and reluctantly accepted the position of head coach of the Cleveland Browns.  Pettitte was -- What?  I'm being told his name is "Pettine", not Pettitte.  Sorry. -- Pettine was the 11th candidate to be interviewed for the -- Huh?  Now what!?  Uh, OK.  And I guess his first name is "Mike", not Mark.  Sorry again. --  Mike Pettine was the 11th candidate to be interviewed for what team owner Jimmy Haslam has called a "very attractive job."  Each of the previous ten candidates turned down the job.

Mark Pettitte . . . I mean Mike Pettine 

And so Pettine becomes the Browns' 8th head coach in the last 15 years.  He spent the 2013 season as the defensive coordinator for the Buffalo Bills, where his defense ranked 10th in the league in Net Total Yards.  The Browns defense was ranked 9th.  So you can see that this hiring is most definitely a step . . . in a direction.

After being introduced as the Browns new head man, the all-but-unknown Pettine said, "Well, someone's gotta do it!"