Rand Paul, the junior Republican Senator from Kentucky, has announced his candidacy for President of the U.S. This is a red-letter day for chuckle-headed college students and the handful of others who think his nonsensical jumble of Libertarianism and Tea Baggery makes perfect sense.
In his speech today, Rand said he has come "to take our country back!"
Hang on. We have questions for Rand and anyone else who says that "take-back" shit:
Back from where?
Where did our country go, exactly?
When did it leave?
Was it a voluntary departure, or was our country banished for misbehavior?
Was our country kidnapped or stolen? If so, who took it?
What has our country been doing during its time away?
Has it been enjoying itself? Getting in some much-needed R & R?
What has it learned while away?
Does our country actually want to come back, or would it prefer to stay wherever the hell it's run off to? Maybe it's nicer there.
Wouldn't it be easier for all of us if Rand Paul would simply go to where our country is, instead of trying to bring the whole thing back here?
We need answers, Rand!
A Rand Paul sampler:
Along with Ted Cruz, was a leader of the 2013 government shutdown.
Believes businesses have a "right" to unfair discriminatory and prejudicial practices.
Opposes immigration reform.
Opposes marriage equality.
Opposes the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act.
Wants to privatize Social Security.
Said we should "get health insurance out of the way and let the consumer interact with the doctor the way they did before World War II."
(As a doctor himself, Rand doesn't say if he'd take a home-made cake as payment, just like they did before WWII.)
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