Here's How To Get Wayne Lapierre's Cooperation

Ho-hum.  Another day, another shooting.

In the past 45 years, American gun owners have shot 4.5 million of their fellow citizens and managed to kill 1.34 million of them.  While many might call that a tragic epidemic of gun violence, the NRA would call it a good start.

In late October, after the Navy Yard shooter killed 12, Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly (Americans For Responsible Solutions) sent an open letter to Congress citing 16 mass shootings since Sandy Hook and calling for the umpteenth time for legislative action, such as universal background checks.

Yesterday, the facetiously-named "Guns Are Cool" website said the real number was 307.  Their number was not facetious, and did not include the LAX incident or the mall shooter in Paramus, NJ.  They say that Gabby and Mark are using the old FBI definition of mass shooting:  four or more people killed.  By that logic, a gunman who kills 2 while wounding 20 is not a "mass shooter."  But try telling that to one of the wounded.  "Hey, asshole!  You didn't murder me, but you sure as hell shot me!  See?  Yeah, right there, where I'm bleeding profusely."

"Guns Are Cool" defines a mass shooter as someone who, in a single instance of repeated gunfire, wounds or kills four or more people.  Their broader definition still does not include the huge number of standard-issue thugs and crazoids who fire away every day, but hit only three people or fewer.

Click to check out their website:  
www.reddit.com/r/GunsAreCool/wiki/2013massshootings

Their site urges you to "Subscribe.  It makes Wayne Lapierre gassy."

Dear readers, "gassy" is not good enough.  Every time somebody goes murderously nuts with a gun, Lapierre and the NRA insist the solution is more guns.  What?  It's circular logic from hell.  So fuck making him merely bilious.  We need to be much more persuasive.

A friend has made the following suggestion, and Buster concurs wholeheartedly:  The next time a heavily-armed killer randomly shoots up a school, a theater, a restaurant, or whatever, we simply kidnap Wayne Lapierre and cut off one of his fingers or toes.  We continue to hold him and every time it happens again, we lop off another digit. 

In fairly short order, we'll have "Stubby" Lapierre's undivided attention and full cooperation.