Like so many of today's products, motor vehicles are technological marvels. The on-board computing power of our modern cars and trucks exceeds that of the Apollo lunar modules. Automobile dashboards these days are a dazzling array of gauges, read-outs, lights, buttons, bells and whistles. Some of it is show-off "because we can" stuff, but much of it is really useful and really cool.
So, I have this semi-new-to-me car, a 2010 Enclave. Have had it about a year. It doesn't have every techno whizz-bang and gee-gaw on it, but it has a lot, and there's still a lot for me to learn.
Case in point: Recently, the dashboard suddenly told me "RIGHT FRONT TIRE PRESSURE LOW". OK, got it. Frantically I pushed random dashboard buttons trying to turn off the damn message. (Apparently, the car considered this info to be absolutely crucial, because the message refused to leave.)
Eventually I hit some button and the dash informed me "RIGHT FRONT TIRE 27 PSI". I see. Well, 35 psi is recommended, so I better do something about that. I pulled into a gas station, fed 3 quarters into the air compressor (no free lunch, and no fuckin' free air either!), and ran some air into the right front tire. A pretty fair amount of air, I thought. Oddly, nothing changed. Still it was "RIGHT FRONT TIRE 27 PSI". The timer on the air pump had kicked off, so I chalked it up to faulty gas station equipment, and drove off.
I went to another station, coughed up another 75 cents, and tried it again. This pump sounded good and I knew it was working properly. But nothing changed. Still "RIGHT FRONT TIRE 27 PSI". I don't get it!
On to a third station and another 75 cents. I'm now up to $2.25 in air! Jesus! This time, the compressor is an ass-kicker -- loud, hot and strong -- and I just know I'm pumpin' some serious air. Maybe it was operator error before. What?! Still "27 PSI"? C'mon! You cannot be serious!
I drive home pissed and flummoxed. I refuse to "invest" another nickel in the compressed air racket. Against my better instincts, I consult the owner's manual. (Hey now, there's an idea!)
Like so many of today's products, owner's manuals for cars are thick, abstruse, and getting foggier all the time. And it's not about the mechanicals, it's all about the tech and the buttons. So after 3-4 hours of close perusal, I find a little snippet which says "After tire rotation, TPM sensors must be reprogrammed."
Suddenly, I remember that at my last oil change, I also had the tires rotated. Did those grease monkeys "reprogram" my "TPM's" (tire pressure monitors)? Hell no!! And who'da thunk it? So the dashboard message was all fucked up, referring to tire positions which no longer existed. "RIGHT FRONT" was actually right rear. That was the low-pressure tire.
Delving deeper into the manual, I discover another button which displays rear tire pressure. One of the rear tires (which is actually now the right front tire, the one I'd been putting all the air into) indicates 57 psi! "LOOK OUT, SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!!!"
Eventually, I got it all worked out, reprogrammed my TPM's, and achieved correct tire pressure all around. But Jesus Pete, what a pain-in-the-ass achievement!
Once upon a time, a tire was low when it looked low. And air was free, because it was . . . just air.
"Those days are gone forever, over a long time ago. Oh yeah." -- Steely Dan
When in doubt, consult that War And Peace owner's manual.
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