OSU's Blackout Explained

Last night in Columbus, Ohio State's top-ranked Buckeyes wore all-black uniforms during a 38-10 defeat of Penn State.  Several readers from at least three states outside Ohio have asked Buster to explain these uniforms and uncover the real story behind the Buckeye's break from scarlet-and-gray tradition.

The special uniforms were designed and provided by Nike, an OSU partner/sponsor, for the obvious reason -- money and merchandising:  "Here's an alternative uniform.  Let's promote it in advance and schedule a Blackout Game.  Now, all you fans, go buy a black jersey to wear!" 

Early in the game, ABC announcer Chris Fowler mentioned that some "conservative" OSU fans were unhappy with the Blackout.  Fowler was referring to the non-traditional game apparel, not politics.  But Buster has discovered the real reason for the Blackout, and Fowler doesn't know how right he really was.  Right-wingers will be more than unhappy, they'll be flippin' furious.  A nasty black-lash could follow.

Last night's Blackout Game was actually a quietly publicized Democratic covert political action designed to capture more votes from black Ohioans in the upcoming 2016 presidential election.  All black fans entering Ohio Stadium were given a free black jersey, a free Obamaphone, and a $500 prepaid SNAP EBT card, in exchange for pledging to vote the straight Democratic ticket here in our key swing state.  White fans in attendance were required to wear blackface.  Even Brutus had to comply.

The Blackout Game was a carefully planned joint effort between Hillary Clinton, wife of Bill Clinton (our first black president), and OSU President Michael Drake (also black).  Buster has confirmed this nefarious plot with the famous truth-telling conspiracy theorists at Breitbart.com and the Drudge Report, as well as Ben Carson's website and the House Subcommittee on Benghazi.

Those same unimpeachable sources also confirm OSU's plans for another alternative uniform night during the 2016 season, closer to the election, to honor/exploit organized labor and the union movement for the benefit of Democrats.  Hillary and Drake are already in preliminary talks with both the AFL-CIO and the NEA.  Early plans call for providing all union members at the stadium with a free special jersey, a free phone, and a year's worth of prepaid union dues in return for their vote.

The final details of Union Night are still to be worked out.  Prototypes of the special uniforms are below.

Suggested alternative OSU uniforms:
AFL-CIO's "Work-out Night"
NEA's "Book-out Night"