Ding-dong!
Hello, I'm Elder Price from the private equity firm Pain Capital, and I'm here to help your company. Pain Capital is a take-over specialist which may or may not have once been run by Mitt Romney. Our motto at Pain Capital is: "Your employees get all the pain, and our investors get the gain."
And since I'm a Mormon as well as a venture capitalist, I can help ease your company through this process by teaching you a deeper and more accurate understanding of Jesus, because when we're finished with you, you're gonna need all the Jesus you can get!
(* Suggested by a faithful reader. Thank you, faithful reader!)
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