Last Thursday was a slow news day here in Columbus. The top story on the local TV newscasts concerned an attempt during our annual Italian Festival to break the record for The World's Largest Meatball. All week long, we'd followed the meatball's progress -- how it was made, the construction of a special container in which to cook it, how long it would bake. Fascinating. If our meatball would just come out of the oven weighing 750 pounds or more, the glorious record would be ours.
After many hours of baking, our meatball was done. Off to the official weigh-in. Alas, it tipped the scales at "just" 655 pounds. Some shrinkage had occurred. When interviewed, the meatball protested that it had just been swimming and would recover to its normal size in just a few minutes.
Sadly, the second story that evening was about the death of a 4 year old child due to a drug overdose. It seems the poor little girl wasn't feeling well and couldn't get to sleep. Her mother pondered what to give her: "A cough drop? No. Some children's Tylenol? No. Maybe some chicken soup? Nah. Wait -- I've got it! Yes! Synthetic heroin!" That's right, Mom was a junkie who fixed her daughter up with a big dose of Methadone. Fixed her for good. Meatballs and Methadone. What a world.
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