These days, it ain't easy being a "patriot," especially if you're a freedom-loving, federal-land-seizing Oregon militia man. First, it's really cold up there and everybody's getting all bitchy with each other. You gotta haul around all those guns all the time, and then you start to run low on the necessities: "What? Whadya friggin' mean, we're out of French Vanilla creamer?!"
Worst of all, smart-ass liberals keep sending you hate mail and boxes of dildos -- because, you know, you're such dicks.
Not the cookies |
On the plus side, one considerate critic sent you some penis-shaped cookies, so -- snacks!
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