Sunday, December 27, 2015
Buster's 2015, In Twelve Easy Pieces
Words of the year for 2015? Refugee. Same-sex marriage. Paris. Pope Francis. Trump. #BlackLivesMatter. ISIS. Active shooter. Schlonged.
Here are several other words which highlight this past year, in a bloggy sort of way.
Ballshit! (1/25/15) -- The NFL's machinery of denial kicked into gear and gave us QB Tom Brady talking about how he likes his balls and doesn't want anyone to touch them, and Bill Bellichick discoursing at length on ball-rubbing and temperature-related shrinkage.
The Self-Thinning Herd. (2/19/15) -- St. Joseph, MI city councilperson Christina Bond accidentally shot herself in the head while adjusting the gun in her bra holster!
Jeb's Position On The Minimum Wage. (3/20/15) -- The idea that there are gajillions of unfilled jobs out there, but businesses can't hire workers because wages just aren't low enough, is uniquely Republican thinking and a complete crock of shit.
Teacher-Bashing. (4/2/15) -- When conservatives get all misty about the good old days that were so much better than today, I hope they appreciate that their favorite school teachers of yesteryear never had to put up with today's level of crap.
Whole Paycheck. (5/7/15) -- The Whole Foods Grocery chain has announced it will launch a spin-off with lower-cost organic products. No name has been chosen yet for the new stores, but leading contenders are "Partial Foods" and "Half Paycheck."
Protecting Us From Our Own Perversions. (6/6/15) -- State Sen. Jim Hughes is shocked -- shocked! -- that bestiality is not illegal in Ohio. So Hughes is trying to outlaw it via a tack-on amendment to the state's budget. Not that boning a sheep has budget implications, but, you know, what the hell.
Last Hurrah For Pete Rose, American. (7/20/15) -- Loved or loathed, Pete Rose is a uniquely American institution, not unlike Mount Rushmore or the Grand Canyon, but more like Branson, MO, Coney Island, the Cadillac Ranch, the World's Largest Ball of Twine, and yes, Vegas, baby!
The Trump Tower (Of Babble). (8/4/15) -- If Sarah Palin is word salad, then Donald Trump is the entire buffet, a word smorgasbord in a blender, a verbal vomitorium.
Dr. Ben Carson: Shattering Stereotypes. (9/21/15) -- Dr. Carson has proved that a person can know everything there is to know about pediatric neurosurgery, and absolutely nothing about anything else.
Beware The Logical Fallacy. (10/12/15) -- "Now son, do you know what you did wrong?" "Yes sir, I shared something on Facebook without checking facts and encouraged bullshit to propagate, leading to the dumbing-down of humanity."
The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Furniture. (11/24/15) -- Number of Americans killed by ISIS last year: 4. Number of Americans killed by furniture last year: 17. Number of Americans killed by guns last year: 30,638. Maybe we should declare war on furniture, or bomb the shit out of our guns.
The Real Enemy Is Pita Bread. (12/4/15) -- In his remarks to the Republican Jewish Coalition, Ben Carson came off like a slow-witted 3rd-grader reading a book report, as he managed to make "Hamas" sound like "hummus."
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