Faithful readers will recall one of our more bizarrely aberrant local individuals, Alan Patton, the Piss Drinker. (For a refresher, go to the Blog Archive, click on February 2010, then "The Piss Drinker" 3/09.)
Last week, he was arrested while hanging around the boys restroom at a Burger King. Authorities recovered his "collection materials" (Dixie cups and wads of toilet paper in the urinals -- yuk!!!!) and hauled his perverted ass off to jail once again. But now things are different because we have a new law in Ohio which prohibits the "taking or collecting of another person's bodily fluids without permission". Really. Seriously. So this time it looks like our sicko might actually do a year or so in prison. I'm sure the other prisoners will give him a really warm welcome.
Think he'll be "rehabilitated" when he gets out? Neither do I. Clearly he's developed a taste for the stuff. And drinking little-boy piss (a.k.a. urophagia) is legal. It's his method of obtaining it that's unlawful. He's got a problem with the permission thing.
He needs a whole new approach. Instead of sneaking around public toilets, Piss Alan should be up-front about it. Say what he wants and get the necessary permission. Put an ad in the paper or on Craig's List: "Fresh urine wanted. Will pay all shipping COD." Or maybe he could open a reverse lemonade stand, with authorization forms, of course. Instead of little kids trying to sell yellow liquid to passing adults, you'd have an adult trying to buy yellow liquid from passing kids. He'd probably have to pay a lot more than 25 cents a cup!
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