Dear Fox News Host: STFU!

Every now and then, Fox News makes a mistake and talks to a smart person who sets them straight.  The rest of the time, not so much.

Here are five occasions when Roger Ailes' spin factory was no match for the facts:

She Should Have Changed Both Names

Ms. Crabtree

It got some national play.  A central Ohio woman with the perfectly tolerable name of Sheila Crabtree has legally changed her first name to Sexy.  Forget the conceit required in that particular name change.  She's now become Sexy Crabtree, and I'm sorry, but that just doesn't work.  Crabtrees are not sexy.  Crabtrees are flowering.  Crabtrees are messy.  Crabtrees are often-plagued-by-scale-disease.  But they're just not sexy -- with the possible exception of my brother-in-law Phil, but that's not for me to say. ;)

If she requires a first name of Sexy, film history might provide Ms. Crabtree with inspiration for some fitting last names for a real one-two punch:

From the James Bond collection -- Pussy Galore, Plenty O'Toole, Holly Goodhead, Xenia Onatopp, Merry Goodnight.

From the Austin Powers trilogy -- Alotta Fagina, Felicity Shagwell, Foxxy Cleopatra, Dixie Normous, and the twins Fook Mi and Fook Yu.

From Caddyshack -- Lacey Underall.

Ms. Underall

So, Ms. Crabtree, what do say about a new last name as well?  How about Sexy Lingerie?  Sexy Bod?  Sexy Thang?

Ponder it and get back with me.



 

The Right Message

The late Phillip Seymour Hoffman was widely acclaimed as one of the greatest actors of his generation.  He was also a struggling addict who died of a heroin overdose.  He was a husband and father, as well as an artistic talent.

None of which matters to one David C. Elting of Grandview Heights, whose letter to the editor was published (of course) in today's Columbus Douchepatch.  In Mr. Elting's view, Hoffman was, in the end, "a drug user whose weakness cost him his life," and paying tribute to him "sends the wrong message."

What's the "right message"?  If you have a "weakness", you're a bum whose life should not be celebrated and whose accomplishments should be promptly forgotten.  You deserve condemnation, not tribute.

A la Mr. Elting, a few more "right messages":
Jimi Hendrix -- not a great guitar player, just a druggie
Janis Joplin -- not a great singer, just a druggie
Lenny Bruce & John Belushi -- not great comedians, just druggies
Dylan Thomas -- not a great poet, just a drunk
James Dean -- not a great actor, just a bad driver
Sylvia Plath -- not a great writer and poet, just a crazy woman who stuck her head in the oven
John Candy -- not a great comic actor, just really overweight
Mama Cass Elliot -- not a great singer, just someone who didn't chew her ham sandwich

You've Been Web-Punk'd, Asshole!

Heinous ass-hat Gary James

Homophobic racist Gary James is the Enid, Oklahoma bar owner who's in the early lead for Asshole of the Year.  His recent hate-filled TV interview went viral (you can see it in my "Damn! There Goes the Neighborhood!" post of 2/9/14) and has now earned him a lot of unwanted attention.  Good!

According to the Huffington Post, the bar's Facebook and Yelp pages, which had fewer than 10 reviews each last week, are now packed with hundreds of comments, many of which label Gary's Chicaros Club as one of the best gay bars in northern Oklahoma.

"Ask for Gay-ry!  He's faaaaaabuuuulouths!" wrote one Yelp reviewer.  "Like, I mean, O-M-G, awethsome!"

"This is the best gay bar in Oklahoma!" remarked one Facebook reviewer.  "Although I must say Gary is far from subtle . . . the way he struts around in his sparkly pink man-kini made me a tad uncomfortable."

Another reviewer fake-complained, "I thought place was going to be cheap.  But I went on 'All-Male Revue' night, and I had to whip out all my singles."

Yuengling Float?

Yuengling is America's oldest brewer.  Thirty years ago the company also made ice cream, of all things.  Now they are reintroducing their ice cream line in selected markets.  Just buy a six-pack and a half-gallon, pour one over the other, and enjoy!

The combination of alcohol and ice cream is nothing new:

Friday Night Rights

Friday Night Rights: NFL prospect Michael Sam comes out.

Watch Jon Stewart's hilarious take on Michael Sam and the NFL.  I bet Jonathan Vilma would like to rephrase.

Sam I am!  Deal with it.

It Doesn't "Trickle Down", And They Aren't "Job Creators". So, To Reduce Inequality, Where's The Real "Pro-Business" Bang For The Buck?

Nick Hanauer is a wealthy business owner, entreprenuer, and investor who has some unexpected things to say on the whole issue of where societal investment works best.  With a little help from Robert Reich: