The Problem Of Deaf Hunters

It's a debilitating condition that is slowly destroying the quality of life for untold millions of Ohioans.  For too long, this disability has been hidden in the shadows of public and political apathy, borne stoically by the afflicted, and callously disregarded by the rest.

"What?"                 "Huh?"            "Come again?"

I speak, of course, of the epidemic of deaf hunters in our state.  I had no idea that we had a problem with deaf hunters (better than blind hunters, I suppose) until I was enlightened by State Reps Cheryl Grossman of Grove City and John Becker of Loveland, both Republicans (of course).  This pair of public servants explained that all across our great state, scads of hunters were destroying their hearing with the sound of their own guns.  Repeated exposure to such loud noise was causing rampant hearing loss in Ohio's sportsmen and sportswomen (sportspeople?).

Grossman and Becker said they were compelled to act in order to stem this preventable tragedy, and they knew just how to do it.  They have introduced HB 234, which will allow hunters to attach silencers or suppressors to their rifles.  Quieter guns, fewer deaf people.  Voila!  Problem solved.

Complete and utter bullshit, of course.  The "problem" of deaf hunters is about as real as voter fraud.  There is no such problem.  HB 234 is simply part of a concerted national effort by the NRA to roll back prohibitive laws to help silencer makers sell more product.  

Since 2012, the NRA has been pushing an initiative it calls "Hearing Health First!"  But the NRA doesn't give the tiniest shit about anyone's hearing.  Their aim is to eliminate any remaining legal barriers to silencer/suppressor sales and use, anywhere they may exist.  (Ohio allows silencers in general, but prohibits their use on hunting rifles.)  The NRA is assisted in this lobbying effort by the American Silencer Association (the what?), local lobbyists like the Buckeye Firearms Association, and by fuck-knuckle legislators like Grossman and Becker, who do what they're told.

Is there no end to all this gun madness?  Consider the purpose and intent of a firearm silencer, then ask yourself why the hell they're legal in the first place?

Assassins everywhere agree:  Silencers are an essential part of your family's next "deer hunt"!