The recent rampage in Arizona has reignited the issue of gun control, or rather, the lack thereof. Some have suggested that ammunition clips be limited to 10 rounds, with expanded 50-100 round clips outlawed. Others proposed that it be illegal to carry a gun within 100 yards of a federal employee.
These are good ideas, but are also essentially wimpy half-measures. No such small stuff for Buster. Let's think big (or at least as big as I can manage after 10 minutes of heavy cogitation.) And so, here is my proposed legislation: Buster's Ammo & Gun Reduction Act for Safe Households, a.k.a. BAGRASH.
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This is federal law, and all future gun/ammo laws will be federal. States and localities have no trump cards. Arizona can go piss up a rope.
Immediately if not sooner, the National Rifle Association gets its nuts cut off. This is the worst PAC/lobbying organization in the country. I cannot understand how these assholes gained so much traction in recent decades. Their policies have done nothing but increase the number of guns and the amount of bloodshed in America. So, in the interest of the greater good, all reasonable citizens agree to legislate the NRA out of business. We'll shut 'em down, seize their assets, and never allow anything like them to exist again.
You're a gun owner? Relax. Buster will let you keep them (even though your 2nd Amendment "right" to arm bears or bear arms or whatever is a MYTH. More on that another time.). Just two stipulations:
1. You must register all your guns with the federal government -- all of 'em, and in person.
2. You take and pass a basic mental health exam every 3 years.
Fees, possibly substantial, will apply. But complete these two simple steps and you'll have legal possession of federally licensed firearms. If it takes a month of Sundays to complete the process, sorry, deal with it. If you don't go through the process, your guns are illegal. If discovered, they'll be confiscated and you'll be subject to fines and jail time.
You're a "collector" with numerous guns? See the previous point. Register your entire collection and pass your psycho test and you'll get licenses for each of your guns. One more stipulation:
If your collection includes automatic weapons, assault rifles, howitzers, cannon, grenades, bazookas and the like, these pieces will have their firing pins removed and permanent trigger locks installed during registration. And ammo for such things is no longer available for purchase by private citizens. You may gaze upon your mini-arsenal with dewy-eyed fondness, but you're just not gonna be able to fire the fuckin' things!
Gun dealers must hold a federal license as well. The bar for this license will be set high. Approved dealers will be few and far between. Many current gun retailers will disappear.
Gun dealers will have old-time bankers' hours, open 9 to 3 Mon. thru Thurs., 9-5 Fri. No more buying 500 rounds of 9mm ammo at 2:30 a.m. Deal with it.
Gun dealers will sell genuine hunting rifles, shotguns, selected handguns, ammo for same, and that's it. Machine guns and military-grade weaponry are unavailable to the general public. And no, you don't "hunt" with an AK-47.
Any and all ammo is available only at federally-approved gun dealers. Big-box retailers like Wal-Mart are not on the list. The amount of ammo purchased will be severely restricted, registered, and tracked. Buying case-load quantities of shells is out of the question.
Gun sales between licensed private owners are strictly forbidden. You want to sell your gun? Sell it to a federally-approved gun dealer. Want to buy a gun? Same deal.
You're a would-be first-time gun buyer? OK, probably, but no guarantee. And be patient, because this is gonna take awhile. There will be a lengthy application, a thorough background check, and a comprehensive psychological evaluation. With fees. Those with even the slightest bit of hinkyness will wash out. Those who make the cut must then take and pass a gun safety program. Only then may they purchase and register their gun. All this hoop-jumping may take 6-9 months, so don't be in a hurry. And basic psych exams will still be required every 3 years.
On a go-forward basis, any new gun owner may legally possess no more than 3 guns at any one time -- 1 rifle, 1 shotgun, and 1 pistol.
Current owners who already have more than 3 guns are grandfathered in and can keep them, but can't add to their number. You're more than sufficiently armed right now, thank you very much! If you want to buy a new rifle, you'll need to sell or trade one of your old ones at the same time.
Your license to possess a specified firearm cannot be sold or transferred to another person. It applies to you and only you.
As personal property, guns may be bequeathed in a valid will, and may be subject to probate. Heirs may legally inherit up to 3 guns per person, subject to the standard licensing process. If more than 3 guns are bequeathed, the excess weapons may be sold, or the excess may be kept if they are properly licensed, then disabled (no firing pin, trigger lock). Choose wisely, Grasshopper!
Private citizens have no right to carry or display a gun in any public place. Never, ever. This is real life, not a cowboy movie. Concealed carry, open carry? A stupid, dangerous policy. It's history! Try it, and you will not pass Go, you will not collect $200, but you will proceed directly to jail.
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And there you have it. None of the foregoing would apply to law enforcement and military personnel. They can have any sort of weapons they want, and in any quantity.
Yes, I know the BAGRASH plan does not deal with the black market in illegal guns and ammo. That's a hard one. Where there's a will, there's a way. And you know the NRA will trot out its old logic-challenged slogans and shriek that "When RPG launchers are outlawed, only outlaws will have RPG launchers!" Wait a sec. I forgot I already eliminated the fuckin' NRA. Hot damn, that's a good thing!
For the rest of us, BAGRASH would slow things down and make buying a lethal weapon a bit more challenging and a bit less impulsive than buying a Big Mac. This would be a good thing. Long term, it would slowly but steadily reduce the number of those lethal weapons. Another good thing.
And it's all a dream. Not a snowball's chance in hell of any of the above actually happening. Oh well.
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