The Birds

Yesterday, the lovely Mrs. Gammons and I were enjoying a little beach time.  I had dozed off to the sound of the surf when I was jolted awake by the raucous cawing and cackling of twenty or thirty excited seagulls swooping and circling more or less right above us.  This flock of seagulls had suddenly materialized thanks to a silver-haired granny with a loaf of bread who was standing ten feet to our left, lobbing bits of bread into the air as the birds went nuts and the poop rained down.  (Granny was apparently not a fan of DuMaurier or Hitchcock.)

No, not this Flock of Seagulls

More like this flock of seagulls

We gave granny the stink-eye and she moved ten feet to our right, which improved things not a bit.  Indeed, granny was then joined in her bird-feeding circus by a cute little girl and her mother.  Despite a wide and uncrowded expanse of beach, the trio was determined to carry on right beside us until every last slice was gone.  (How did we get so lucky?)  We held our tongues and hoped to not be shat upon, and in a couple more minutes, the show was over -- the gulls and granny had, thankfully, moved on.

We could have and maybe should have asked granny to please take her Wonder Bread act further down the beach and away from us.  We could have told her that seagulls don't really need human help, much less a loaf of bleached white flour.  We could have pointed out that from Maine to the Keys, almost all shore birds are protected species and feeding them "people food", while amusing, is also prohibited and punishable by fine.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  We said nothing.  It's not easy to go enviro-Garp on a silver-haired granny and a cute little girl.

But the brief episode did make me want to share an oldie-but-goody from Tom Lehrer, satirical piano man from decades gone by.  This was the sort of stuff I was brought up on, which may explain a lot of things:  

Non-PC Easter Tips

From the Conan O'Brien Show, it's prop-master Bill Tull's Easter Tips:

Mission Accomplished! (Ten Years Ago.) Now Can We Fix Our State Constitution?

Back in 2004, Republicans were worried about getting that imbecile George W. Bush reelected.  So GOP operative Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove got the bright idea to put gay marriage bans on state ballots across the country.  He figured this would draw gobs of socially-challenged conservative bigots to the polls, and he knew he'd need every one of 'em to keep Dubya in the White House.  He figured correctly.  All the prejudiced prigs turned out to vote against married gay terrorists, and Bush was narrowly reelected.

Mission accomplished.  (Worked out great, didn't it.)

"This is the number of people
who still believe my bullshit."

The GOP of ten years ago didn't have any real animus toward gays and lesbians, but they were happy to exploit those who did to keep their man in office.  But now the wheel of progress has turned, DOMA is toast, there is wide-spread acceptance of equal rights for all, and all the anti-gay laws still on the books look pretty stupid -- discriminatory and unconstitutional.

In 2004, Ohio went full-monty on the anti-gay thing.  We didn't just pass a law banning gay marriage, we wrote it into our state constitution.

Now we have four same-sex couples, living in Ohio but legally married elsewhere, who've sued the state to have their marriages legally recognized, and have both parents names listed on the birth certificates of their children.   District Court Judge Timothy Black found in their favor.

Well, sort of.
We welcome 8 of you for now.
The rest of you, check back later.

The judge agreed to delay state-wide implementation of his order, at the urging of Ohio A.G. Mike DeWine.  DeWine's job is to defend the state constitution, even when it's indefensible.  He argued that judge's ruling could prompt thousands of Ohio same-sex couples to rush to get married in other states, and this might be "premature" and could cause "confusion."  (Yeah, those sound like terrible problems, Mike.)  Both DeWine and Black agreed, however, to give full legal recognition to four couples who brought suit.  So I guess eight really is enough.  Ten?  Now you've gone too far.  Confusing!

Some right-tards say that Black's decision is an example of an "activist judge legislating from the bench."  That's bullshit.  Sometimes a law is unfair, mean, serves no useful purpose, and must come to an end.  This is one of those cases.  Conservatives can appeal all they like, but in this case, Ohio's constitution is unconstitutional, and sooner or later it must be and will be fixed.

Wouldn't we have saved ourselves a whole bunch of time, trouble and money if we'd told Karl Rove to piss off and never gone down this stupid path in the first place?

Income Tax Day

Buster is no Pollyanna.  Life is not perfectly fair, but we should not begrudge the wealthy their wealth for that reason alone.  Yet . . . regarding the broad and general concept of "income inequality" (which these days translates to "gross income disparity"), a couple semi-related thoughts on income tax day.

First, a video from Robert Reich, discussing the fact that the very rich (Hello, Mitt!) typically pay income taxes at a much lower net rate than those pulling down "ordinary" incomes.  Familiar but important territory.    


Then, a flash in the old brain pan from Buster his damn self.  Much has been made these days of the extreme difference between top executive pay and rank-and-file wages:  Today's average CEO (just average, mind you) earns 300 to 400 times more than the average worker.  In 1950, the ratio was 20 to 1.  Since the 1950's, that average CEO has experienced a 1000% increase in compensation.

So let's revisit those good old days of Pat Boone, Howdy Doody, and American exceptionalism.  Way back then, before Ronnie reduced federal income tax rates (and eliminated deductions) with the Tax Reform Act of 1986, we actually had a top income tax rate 90%.  That's right, 90-friggin' percent!

Just like today, there were deductions and credits and write-offs out the wazoo, so nobody ever really coughed up 90% of their entire income.  But at some point, for the ultra-rich, some small portion of your  income just might be taxed at 90%.  Under those conditions, what was the point of ever-and-ever-higher executive pay?  Who needed 400 times more money than the average Joe Bagadonuts if the IRS was gonna take back 90% of it anyway?

There was a minimum wage back then, sure.  But the tax policy of the time also operated as a sort of de facto maximum wage limitation.  This with the blessing of our well-known progressive socialist president of that era, Dwight Eisenhower.  All things considered, a more fair and equitable distribution of wealth than today's fuck-your-buddy free-for-all.

I don't like to pay taxes anymore than you do, and I may be way off base, but the conservative no-tax ideology is simple brainless bullshit.  Just sayin'.

And Paul Ryan wants to cut the top rate from 39.6% to 25%.  God bless America.  Gimme a break.




























  

She Does Have Nice Hands

In the recent Sports Illustrated Baseball Issue, the point was made that Atlanta Braves closer/relief pitcher Craig Kimbrel is the best strikeout pitcher in baseball history.  He's whiffed an amazing 43.1% of the batters he's faced in his short career.  The further point was made that although strikeouts are most valuable with the tying or winning run on third and less than two outs, the Braves never use Kimbrel in those situations.  They use him for "guaranteed" saves.  In all of last season, Kimbrel inherited just three baserunners.

The piece went on to suggest that the Braves might want to skip a few saves-on-a-platter for Kimbrel, and bring him in a little earlier if/when his bat-missing skill could help extract them from a tight spot.

The (sadly) unattributed writer ended with a classic line:

"Keeping the greatest strikeout pitcher ever away from spots where strikeouts are essential is like using Kate Upton as a hand model."

Well, as you can see, she does have nice hands.

No Sense Of Humor

In 2015, Stephen Colbert will replace David Letterman on CBS's Late Show.  As much as I'll miss his half-hour spoof on Comedy Central, at the same time I can't wait to see what he'll do with the late-night talk show format.  He's a real comic talent.  Should be good!

The choice of Colbert for the CBS slot drew almost unanimous praise, with two notable exceptions.

By hiring Colbert, Rush Limbaugh said, "CBS has declared war on the heartland of America.  They hired a partisan as an assault on traditional American values."  (Did the "heartland" move?  I ask only because Limbaugh lives in a Palm Beach mansion.).

Bill O'Reilly is the incoherent blow-hard upon whom Colbert based his schtick, and poor Bill still doesn't get the joke.  He said, "Colbert is an ideological fanatic, a progressive mouthpiece who is deceiving and damaging America."





Limbaugh is a hateful tub of goo, and O'Reilly is just a simple idiot.  Colbert makes me laugh.  Limbaugh and O'Reilly make me sick.

Click the link for an amusing 4 minutes.

http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/3a9611/bill-o-reilly-on-america-s--grievance-industry-

Boehner: "GOP Isn't Racist, We Just Hate Obama And Holder . . . Benghazi!!!"

On the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act, what have Republicans learned about race and American diversity?  Not much.

Two years ago,  a kangaroo court House Oversight Committee found Attorney General Eric Holder "in contempt" over the "Fast and Furious" gun-walking program.  (It was Dubya's stupid program, Holder ended it, and Holder testified about it nine times.  Frustrated that they couldn't blame Obama for it, House R's found Holder in contempt instead.  Another symbolic vote that went nowhere.  Pure political B.S. theater.)

A couple days ago, Holder testified again to the Oversight Committee on a completely different topic.  On the Committee is Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, a racist Islamaphobic Tea-Bagger.  ( A Louie sampler:  He compared civil rights to rights for bugs and lizards, said Obama has been "complicit in helping people who want to destroy our country," and claimed that Obama has "stirred up more racial tension and violence than anyone since the 1960's.")

Gohmert saw fit to remind Holder that the Committee still held him in contempt, and Holder replied, in so many words, "The feeling is mutual, ass-wipe!  Don't go there with me!"  The next day, Holder said that President Obama and he have endured "unprecedented, unwarranted adversity" that goes far beyond policy disagreements.  Unspoken but understood:  it's personal and race-based.  Any semi-objective observer of the past 6 years would have to agree.

But not John Boehner.  Asked by a reporter if GOP criticism of the administration was motivated by race, Boehner answered, "There's no issue of race here," the quickly changed the subject by reaching into the Fox News fake-scandal grab bag and pulling out some familiar shiny objects.  The real issue, said the Orange Man, was getting the truth about the IRS, and Fast and Furious, and Benghazi.  And with that, Boehner walked off.  What?  No "botched healthcare website"?  No "war on Christmas"?  Why not go all the way with the red herring distractions?

What conservatives like Boehner don't seem to grasp is that white people don't get to decide what racism is, and merely declaring you're not a racist doesn't mean you aren't one.  The overwhelming majority of racists don't believe that they are; they can't recognize it in themselves, but others do.

Make no mistake, we're getting better in this country.  Racism is no longer the horrible, blatant, violent thing it once was, but neither has it vanished.  It will never go away entirely.  Sadly, nothing did more to expose our lingering vein of American racism than the election of our first black president.

So here's a note to John Boehner, Louie Gohmert, Joe Wilson, Justice Joseph Alioto, et al:

You say it's not a racial thing thing, but . . .  when your fellow conservatives say Obama and Holder are "the real racists"; when you believe that efforts to reduce discrimination are just as bad, if not worse, than actual discrimination itself; when you're openly contemptuous and disrespectful of the black president, his black A.G., his other black cabinet members and black diplomats in ways we've never seen before, it's going to be strongly perceived to be racism by the rest of us.  And you know what?  It is.