Back To School With John Oliver

Dr. Seuss's Advice For Facebook Users

It's Not Hasbro's Fault

Hasbro Toys has a product line known as the Little Pet Shop Collection.  It includes a toy "hamster" named "Harris Faulkner."

The Fox News-bot also named Harris Faulkner took exception to this and sued the toy maker for $5 million.  In her suit, the humanoid Faulkner said that the name was used without permission, and that the toy Faulkner bore an uncanny physical resemblance to her and, as it was just a small plastic toy, was therefore demeaning and insulting, and harmed her professional credibility as a journalist.

I'm not so sure about the physical resemblance but, my dear woman, you lost your journalistic credibility the day you went to work for Fox News.  

Hair Club For Men (Of The GOP)

The U.S. Congress is not the place to go for cutting-edge fashion and style -- on either side of the aisle -- but it seems that many of today's Very Serious Conservative Congressmen are, for some reason, still sporting heavily sprayed, distinctly parted hair helmets left over from the 1980's.

Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH)

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH)

My own U.S. Rep and Boehner
boot-licker Pat Tiberi (R-OH)

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA),
former Chair of House Oversight
Committee (Benghazi!!!!) 

Not an elected official.
A gas bag with orangutan hair,
or an old suitcase covered in
Cheez Whiz.

But wait!  There is a rebel on the right side of the aisle. It's Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC).  He took over from Issa as Chair of the Oversight Committee (Still Benghazi!!!!  Plus Hillary's emails!!!!!  Email-ghazi!!!!!!)  Mr. Gowdy is no slave to boring old Republican tonsorial dictates.  He will do, hair-wise, whatever.  Here are four examples.  Google "Gowdy hairstyles" for four hundred more!

Malfoy?

For A Moment, Victory Was Within Our Grasp. Then The Season Started.

By virtue of geography and inclination, I've always been a Cleveland Browns fan.  This worked out fairly well until 1996, when the Browns moved to Baltimore and turned into the Ravens.  After 4 years of nothing, Cleveland returned to the NFL in 1999 as the Browns, but in reality they were the Clowns.  They've been consistently sucky ever since.

That was supposed to change in 2014 when we drafted quarterback Johnny Manziel with our first-round pick.  Didn't happen.  Manziel descended rapidly from "Johnny Football" and "Johnny Heisman" to Johnny Money-Sign, Johnny Flip-Off, Johnny Nightclub, Johnny Vodka, Johnny Hangover, Johnny Cocaine, Johnny Back-Up, Johnny Overslept, Johnny Don't Care, Johnny Rehab, and now, Johnny Elbow.

Manziel's poor throwing mechanics give him chronic elbow pain.  He'll miss the rest of the Browns preseason games with a case of elbow tendinitis, and his return is unknown.

The Cleveland Clowns will open the regular season with 36 year-old journeyman Josh McCown at QB.  McCown will be Cleveland's 23rd starting QB since 1999.  He is ranked dead last -- 32nd out of 32 QBs -- in Sports Illustrated's position rankings.

The season hasn't begun yet.  Is it too early to say, "Wait until next year" ?
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Go Bucks!!!!!

The GOP Primaries: The Greatest Reality Show Ever

"It will go down as one of the greatest, most ingenious reality shows ever conceived.  Take a combustible mix of the most depraved and filterless half-wits, scam artists, and asylum Napoleons America has to offer, give them all piles of money and tell them to run for president."

-- Matt Taibbi

(Matt Taibbi is a journalist, author and commentator.  He can turn a phrase with the best of them.  I particularly enjoyed this one.)

The Donald: With Us, Against Us

Donald Trump has always been an egotistical, overly-opinionated media whore with way too much to say about everything, especially himself.  But, once upon a time, he was capable of occasional moments of good sense.









With Us:

• Trump has said he supports women's rights and is "strongly pro-choice."  
• He has been in favor of single-payer national health care.
• He has acknowledged the need for higher tax rates on higher incomes.
• Has said that Hillary Clinton "would be good" as a leader.
• Has said he is "more of a Democrat than people might think."
• Has said he has "no idea" why he's a Republican.

Against Us:

• Those comments are from some time ago.  Sadly, today's Trump has reversed his positions on all of the above.  
• Recent surveys show that the large majority of his supporters believe that Obama is a Muslim who was not born in the U.S., want to repeal the 14th Amendment and eliminate birthright citizenship, and are in favor of deporting all immigrant children immediately.
• Which means most of Trump's supporters are low-information idiots and racists.