The early primaries don't mean much, but it's still good sport to watch all the Republican candidates cannibalize themselves. Pawlenty, Cain and Bachmann have already been devoured. Maybe they'll gobble up one or two more tonight in New Hampshire.
Let's go all snarky on those who remain:
Mitt Romney -- The Glove is stiff, awkward and plastic. (Try to imagine him telling a joke.) He's tone-deaf. ("I love being able to fire people." A little out of context, I know. So, how about "Corporations are people too.") He's a bad BS'er. ("There were times when I was worried about getting the pink slip." Sure you were, Mitt.) The Glove is just another rich kid trying to buy the Presidency. He's also the probable nominee.
Newt Gingrich -- Just too much nutty Newtiness. He can't help it -- it's his nature.
Rick Santorum -- He's at his best when it comes to ultra-religious social conservative dumbfuckery. Rick spends way too much time worried about sex: Who's doing it? How are they doing it? Is it opposite sex or same sex? How many are involved? Any farm animals? Are the farm animals married?
Ron Paul -- His limited-military, anti-war positions are OK. But the rest of it? No way. Libertarianism can seem good in principle, but as public policy it would be awful in practice.
Rick Perry -- Get real. We already had one Texas dumbass, and it was quite enough, thank you very much.
Jon Huntsman -- A semi-reasonable Mormon who was in the Obama administration as Ambassador to China. No wonder he often sounds like a Democrat. He's probably the best of the bunch, with probably very little chance.
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