Buster's Roundup At The Ol' Crazy Corral

Yee-hah, cowboys and cowgirls!  Sometimes, the crazy gets so thick it takes a week or so just to round it all up.  I'll give it a shot.

It's "Take Your Gun to School Day."  Then After School, Take Your Gun Out For Drinks and Dinner!  
Georgia Governor Nathan Deal (R, but who didn't know that?) signed into law the so-called "Guns Everywhere" bill.  Gov. Deal said, "The 2nd Amendment should always be at the forefront of our minds," and to make sure that Georgians will henceforth solve all their problems by bearing arms, the bill allows guns in cars, cabs, bars, restaurants, schools, hospitals, churches, businesses, airports and government buildings (except the state capitol).  Guns and drunk people -- what could possibly go wrong?

"It was like a vision!"

It's Kinda Like a Pre-Paid Funeral, But You're Not the One Who's Dead.
In November, Tea Bagger Ken Cuccinelli was defeated in his attempt to become governor of Virginia.  The Cootch has returned to his private law firm and he's pioneering a new legal service.  For just a $10 monthly retainer, Cuccinelli's firm will defend you should you ever be indicted in any future gun-related legal matter (i.e., you shot another person or persons).  Wow!  At these prices, you can't afford not to shoot somebody!
  

The 8th Amendment should also be "at the forefront of our minds." 

Killing Them Not-So-Softly.  
A Kasich administration report found nothing wrong with the January execution of a man by means of a new combination of lethal drugs.  The condemned man spent his last 15 minutes convulsing and gasping, but the report said the procedure was just fine.  Nothing cruel and unusual here.  But just to be safe, and to prevent any future unpleasantness, the report recommended the next execution use a much larger dose of drugs.  In related news, Oklahoma just staged a botched execution with its own new mixture of drugs. For 45 minutes, the condemned man tried to break free of his restraints, yelled out in pain, and finally blew the needle and drip line out of his arm.  The execution was halted and the prisoner was wheeled away, and shortly after, died from a heart attack.  WTF?  Is this the 21st century or the Spanish Inquisistion?

Conservatives, Not Conservationists.
The Koch brothers PAC, Americans For Prosperity, is spending big money here in central Ohio on pack-of-lies attack ads in an effort to defeat a small tax levy to benefit the Columbus Zoo.  What?  The Kochs don't give a shit about zoos, and they couldn't find Columbus on a Franklin County map.  But they are anti-tax to the bone -- any tax, anywhere, for any purpose is always wrong.  Pure ideological fanaticism, with no thought required.

"We're Not Racists, We're Oppressed White People."
Donald Sterling, troglodyte tycoon and soon-to-be ex-owner of the Los Angeles Clippers basketball team, is offended by black people attending NBA games.  Black people at a basketball game?  Wha-????
Cliven Bundy, Nevada cattle rancher and batshit militia man/sovereign citizen, has ripped off the feds for decades by not paying grazing fees.  Bundy said he doesn't recognize the government's authority, and said he believes that "Negroes were better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life."  Wha-???????  Ah, yes, the family life of slaves.  Those were the good old days.




Hunger Games.
Florida State quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston was arrested for shoplifting a package of crab legs from a Publix grocery store.  Back-up linemen steal baloney, Heisman QB's steal expensive crustaceans.

The Bounty of Fracking.
Both BP and Halcon Resources have recently abandoned their fracking activities in northeastern Ohio, saying the area is just not productive enough.  In a joint statement to the press, the companies said, "The time has come for us to move on, but we've enjoyed poking holes in your state, and y'all enjoy those earthquakes!"