Talking to people who religiously watch Fox News is better than space travel. You get to see what life is like on another planet without the risk of explosive decompression. If you're a devotee of Fox News and insist that the rest of the world is crazy, this list is for you. And please consider getting help.
1. You're outraged at how Obama has shredded the Constitution but can't name any rights you've lost since January 20, 2009.
2. You think record-breaking cold weather in winter disproves global warming.
3. You think record-breaking cold weather in winter disproves global warming, but record-breaking heat in the summer is just a fluke.
4. You hate Obama for the almost 1700 American lives lost in Afghanistan on his watch, but have no idea how many died in Iraq before he took office. (Hint: over 4000)
5. You call Afghanistan "Obama's War", but ignore the entire first eight years of it.
6. You think there's no way Chris Christie knew anything about the GW Bridge scandal, but you believe Obama clearly knew what a small IRS office in Cincinnati was up to.
7. You think four Americans dying in Benghazi is "the worst tragedy since 9/11."
8. You denounce Bill Clinton as an adulterer, but give a pass to David Vitter and Mark Sanford because they apologized.
9. You're convinced Obama is a secret Muslim, yet you also go into a frenzy when someone mentions Rev. Jeremiah Wright,.
10. You really do believe Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist who drinks beer, eats pork, has attended church for years (goddam Rev. Wright!), had his daughters baptized, had Osama bin Laden killed, and has had more terrorist leaders assassinated than every president before him combined.
11. You know bin Laden was responsible for 9/11 because he ordered the attack, but you give Obama no credit for bin Laden's death because all he did was order the attack.
12. You swear Obama is coming for your guns.
13. You've been swearing Obama is coming for your guns since before he was elected.
14. You swear that Obama has actually restricted your right to own guns, but you can't explain how.
15. You use the words "Obama's Katrina" to denigrate supposed failures that have nothing to do with a bungled response to a natural disaster.
16. You're certain Obama isn't a true Christian, but it made you mad that he had "too many" Christmas trees at the White House. (No, seriously, that was a thing.)
17. You believe all Muslims are terrorists and religious fanatics, but you think that protecting gay kids from bullies is some sort of insult to your religious beliefs.
18. You constantly complain that the "liberal media" takes things out of context, but you're still deeply offended that Obama said, "You didn't build that."
19. You think ACORN stole the 2008 election. Maybe the 2012 election as well.
20. You believe "voter fraud" is a real and serious problem, but can't explain how cutting back on early voting stops it.
21. In 2009, you thought cutting the $1.4 trillion deficit was the most important thing in the world, but now in 2014 you couldn't care less about how much the deficit has been reduced. (Hint: by half)
22. You hate Obama for never having served a day in the military, but you voted for Mitt Romney.
23. You think Obama is the laziest president ever for taking "so many" vacation days, but conveniently forget that it's less than a third of his predecessor.
23a. Never mind how many days he actually took, the president should never take a vacation in a time of crisis!
23b. Never mind that Dubya enjoyed vacation time during two wars and a recession -- Obama is loafing on taxpayer money!
23c. Who cares that Dubya took more than three as much vacation? It only counts when the black guy takes a vacation!
24. You feel that Obama "embarassed" America by bowing to other heads of state, but you forgot about this:
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| Dubya and Prince Abdullah hold hands and kiss |
25. You believe Obama has ruined the economy, although the stock market continues to hit all-time highs.
26. You think that the stock market hitting all-time highs doesn't mean the economy is improving, but you still believe in Trickle-Down Economics.
27. On second thought, you say you don't really believe in trickle-down economic theory after all, but you still insist that increasing taxes on the rich will hurt the economy.
28. You're outraged at Obama for not unilaterally launching a full-scale war on Iran (or Syria or Russia or N. Korea), but you call him a "warmonger" for joining an international coalition to stop the massacre in Libya.
29. You think Obama is "dumb".
30. You really think a Harvard graduate is "dumb".
31. You really, seriously think a Harvard graduate and former president of the Harvard Law Review is "dumb".
32. You think Obama "hates white people," which would include his own white mother and white grandparents who raised him to believe he could someday become the President of the United States of America.
33. You believe Obama is a cunning criminal mastermind who has broken dozens of laws involving thousands of government workers, but no one can actually prove anything.
34. You believe Obama is a total blithering idiot who has broken dozens of laws involving thousands of government workers, but no one can actually prove anything.
35. You think climate change is a vast liberal conspiracy designed to destroy capitalism.
36. You claim evolution is a hoax, but you still take your kids to get a yearly flu shot.
37. You say science is just another form of religious faith, but you don't think twice about boarding an airplane.
38. You think the private sector can and should totally replace all government investments, but you're outraged that Obama ended the space shuttle program.
39. You think using a teleprompter means you're stupid. But only if you happen to be the president. It's OK for everyone else.
40. You think the suggestion to drink an extra glass of water a day is tyranny.
41. You think being asked to do community service is tyranny.
42. You think being asked to help the poor get health insurance is tyranny.
43. You think being asked to let women choose to use birth control is tyranny.
44. You think being asked to respect religions other than your own is tyranny.
45. You think being asked to respect the human rights of gays and lesbians is tyranny.
46. You think being publicly shamed for your racism is tyranny.
47. You think preventing criminals and the mentally ill from buying guns is tyranny.
48. You think allowing everyone to vote is tyranny.
49. You think Obama's exercise of his constitutional authority is tyranny.
50. You grew up in America, and you think you actually understand what real tyranny is.
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