The Sun Has Fried Their Brains

Arizona is giving South Carolina a run for its money in the contest for Stupidest State In The Union. Arizona grabbed headlines, of course, with its recently passed law which essentially permits government-sanctioned racial profiling. Their law conveniently ignores the fact that all immigration laws are federal. They justify this by pointing out all the undocumented Mexicans in their state, then saying, "Hey, the feds aren't doing their job, so we have to." So Arizona cops will conduct a sort of rodeo, but instead of cattle, they'll be a-ropin' and a-roundin' up some illegal Juans and Juanitas. And then what? Throw 'em in jail? There's a brilliant cost-saving measure. Deport 'em back across the border? "See you tomorrow, dumbass gringo!" What exactly does Arizona expect the U.S. government/I.N.S. to do? Man the border with shoulder-to-shoulder machine gunners? Eject all the Mexicans then hermetically seal the entire state in a giant bubble? Arizona is clearly a very squeaky wheel, but should they get all the grease? I hear the good people of Washington state are sick and tired of all those Cannucks from British Columbia coming south of the border and drinking up all the Olympia.

This reactionary immigration law is not the only example of Arizona looniness. For years, it has been legal there to openly carry firearms. But the weapon must be openly displayed (i.e. holstered). It's a safety measure. They want you to be able to see the .44 Magnum that some dumb fuck is gonna shoot you with accidently. But now they want to OK full-scale concealed carry, where any nut job can hide that gun in his pants without restriction -- no permit, no training, no background check. Yee-hah, cowboy!

They recently passed another knee-jerk law aimed at a Hispanic studies course taught in a Tucson public high school (with a heavily Hispanic student body, needless to say). This law forbids any class "designed for a specific race", or which advocates "ethnic solidarity", or which teaches "hatred" of other races. The Tucson course did none of those things, but Arizona lawmakers just don't want young Mexican-Americans learning anything about, say, . . . Mexico. Local rumor here has it that the Columbus Africentric Nubian football and basketball teams will take a summer field trip to Phoenix for some "attitude adjustment" at the Arizona statehouse.

The Republican-dominated state legislature also passed a law which gives Republican Governor Jan Brewer (who looks like a real party girl), not the Democratic Attorney General Terry Goddard, the power to sue the federal government over the supposed health care "mandate". Goddard had previously said he would not file any such lawsuit over health reform, so the R's did a little legislative end-run around him and now the Guv can sue too. And the statehouse cafeteria staff is collecting signatures for a ballot issue that would allow them to file lawsuits as well. "AG? We don't need no stinkin' AG!"

Chances are slim that you were thinking about it, but just in case you were, you should know that Arizona law strictly prohibits any attempts to create human-animal hybrids. And you know, I always thought John McCain was half human, half turtle.

And some dipshit state rep introduced a bill that would have required President Obama to produce a birth certificate in order to have his name appear on Arizona ballots in the 2012 election. The bill did not pass. A minor miracle.