"Sorry, I'll Be Golfing At Mar-A-Lago"

For the first time since 1910, the president will not throw out the ceremonial first pitch at an Opening Day baseball game.  Trump claims he has a scheduling conflict.  Puh-leeze!

Far more likely reasons that the man who once claimed to be, as a youth, "the best baseball player in New York" will not perform this traditional rite of spring:

• Mr. Pixie Fingers can no longer properly grasp the ball in his tiny little hands.
• When he did it in the past, he looked like he was taking a horrible shit.
• He's afraid of being publicly booed by 40,000 people at Nationals Park.
• He's scared of the numerous Mexican and Latino players on the rosters of both teams.

Our fearless leader is a frightened little weenie.