As I hope you heard, yesterday Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker fell hard for an obvious prank phone call. A liberal New York blogger posing as right-wing gajillionaire David Koch was able to engage Scotty-boy in a 15 minute conversation in which the fake Koch expressed support for Walker's anti-union efforts. The impostor talked about "crushing those unions", "using a baseball bat", "not talking to those goddam Democrats", offered his opinion that MSNBC's Mika Brzynski was a "real piece of ass", and told Walker that "when all this is over, I'll fly you out to Cali and show you a real good time." Walker said that would be great. While chatting with the fake Koch, Walker compared himself with Ronald Reagan, said he would not negotiate anything, would try to trick the runaway Democrats into returning, and said the people of Madison "are all '60s liberals -- let 'em protest all they want."
Scotty-Boy appears to be a mean, boastful, gullible prick. Lovely combination.
Through his vast network of contacts, Buster was able to get the transcripts of more recent phone messages left for Scotty, the Wonder-Guv. Punk'd or not? You decide.
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"Yo, Scott, bro! Kasich here. Listen man, do me a favor and quit droppin' my name all over the place. I'm havin' a tough enough time with this shit over here in Ohio. Thanks. Peace, out."
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"Governor Walker, this is Rush Limbaugh. Sorry I missed you. I just want to let you know that you make me proud to be a citizen of this great country, and I think you're doing exactly what has to be done to keep it great, unlike that fascist Muslim racist Kenyan President of ours. Good day, sir."
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"Hello, Scott. John Boehner calling. I want to thank you for your strong pro-management message coming from up there in Wisconsin. You know, it's what the American people want and . . . and when I think about it and our children, uh, I just can't help . . . oh, excuse me . . . (the voice breaks down into unintelligible sniffling and sobbing.)"
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"Hi Scott. Sarah Palin calling. I'll just leave a message 'cause I guess you're out roundin' up all those Grizzly Mamas who sure don't need any gosh-darn union, 'cause they're like you and me and our proud forefathers who brought forth upon these shores under God a patriotic work ethic to build this land in His image and gave us, as George Washington said, from sea to shining sea a Declaration of Independence and a Constitution and the Bible for which it stands which says there's no right to collective bargaining. See ya!"
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"Well, hello there, Scott. This is Ronald Reagan. Really. I'm 100, but I'm not dead. We just ran that story to throw the media off my trail. Anyway, I just want to thank you for your kind words about me and how I busted the Air Traffic Controllers union. That's worked out really well, hasn't it? You know, I was once a Democrat and the president of a union, the Screen Actors Guild. Then I fell off a horse and hit my head. Speaking of my head, I'm late for a hair-coloring, so I'll say goodbye now. Oh Mommy, have you seen my jelly beans?"
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"Scott? Richard Nixon here. No, I'm not a crook and I'm not dead. That was just a story for the media. I'm calling with some advice. Your situation reminds me of the days of the Watergate hearings. Scott, there were people making fun of me and attacking me everyday. Wanted to impeach me, for Chrissakes! Goddam Jews, mostly. But I decided I had to stand firm, have a backbone, not give an inch. I think you've got that same stuff in you, Scott, my boy. You hang in there. By the way, I wouldn't recommend taping anything."
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"Hallo? Herr Governor Walker? Guten tag. This is Adolph. Ja, that Adolph! Nein, I'm not dead. Just a media story. You're too young to remember, but back in the early days of the Reich, I had to do away with unions. Just made them completely illegal. You must do the same, Herr Governor. No half-steps. Complete elimination! You'll see, it will make it much easier for you to rule the world! Umm, I mean Wisconsin. And if those left-wing senators refuse to return to work, mobilize your National Guard and invade Illinois! Blitz-krieg!!"
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